Happy Birthday Carrie!

Actually, I am a day late but in my defense, I was at her party last night! And now thanks to the modern world... all of my loyal readers can see the fun that was had!
Here is Scott (thrower of said party and husband of said birthday girl) and Carrie, the birthday girl!!

Carrie's mom surprised her by coming in from out of state to see her!

Trying to blow out the candles... they may have been trick candles ;~)

Random pics of the evening...


Hope you had a good day Carrie!!!

Adam got a FT job!!!

Adam has been offered a position at a law firm in Towson! Let's just say the fit is kinda like this...
I like to think that the job is a direct result of how well I dress him
but alas, I think it is due to his skill, determination and overall "Adamness"... a quality that many strive for and only few achieve.


He starts July 3rd which gives him a full week of relaxing
and enjoying time off, something like this...


Congrats Honey!!!! I am so proud of you!!!! I love you ~

A haircut for a worthy cause...

My friend Rose decided a while ago that she was going to grow her hair out to a substantial length and then donate it... Last night was the big event and I was on hand to document the whole thing... Since there are more than a couple, I thought I would keep them small ;~)


The "Before" picture.


Now that is a face of someone losing over 10 inches of hair!


Somewhat like a trophy, wouldn't you say?


Now comes the styling part...


Feeling free and lighter!


Back in her apartment modeling the latest and greatest in headwear! It's a little hard to see but she looks amazing! Trust me ;~)

Awesome job Rose! My mom would be proud and pleased ;~)

Sorry about the lack of posting...

it's been a busy week and it continued straight into the weekend! Adam and I went to Hagerstown Saturday and stayed overnight. Adam went to a few meetings at the AA convention and Sandy (mom-in-law) and I made anklets all evening long! What fun... we ended making 2 for ourselves and 1 for Rob and 1 for Danielle... it was only fair, they supplied us with the handmade glass beads.

What you say... Danielle and Rob have homemade glass beads! They do and they handed them over to have anklets made out of them. Actually Danielle, in her 'get rid of everything before we move' bequeathed the glass bead making kit to me.... so she came over Friday night and taught Adam and I how to make glass beads. It involves a blow torch and patience... yeah, awesome combo...

Oh and Paco... I swear, I was supposed to go to Hagerstown Friday night... it was a last minute decision to go Saturday morning... ask Danielle, she was peeved that I didn't go to the pool with her!

Anyway, here are a few pictures from the bead making extravaganza...


Adam working on his masterpiece.


Spinning the glass over the flame.


Danielle and I - always up for a photo op!

Anyway... Sandy and I made anklets out of hemp rope and homemade glass beads... it was a lot of fun! Then we hung out with Adam's dad Sunday morning, headed home, did a mad cleaning frenzy and had my dad and his girlfriend over for dinner. It was a great night and Adam made a fantastic meal! Lemon butter caper orange roughy, edamame, wheat pasta with tomatoes, garlic and lime and strawberry salad with poppy seed vinaigrette dressing! Good times... and I married a great man!

Oh and Paco - (lots of shout outs for you!) tell wifey that we had berries with balsamic vinaigrette over vanilla bean ice cream for dessert and it was fantabulous!!!!

Life is good ~

Comments

Just a note that I am not entertaining anonymous comments any longer. I will not be used for childish middle school games. If you don't identify yourself by your name or if I can't immediately identify who you are, then I will delete the comment.

Thanks

Survivor Harbor 7

Ok, it's my bragging time... Rob, Danielle and Adam ran the Survivor Harbor 7 this past weekend. Rob ran the 7 mile portion and Danielle and Adam ran the 3 mile portion.

I was supposed to run the 3 mile with Adam and Danielle but had to pull out about 2 weeks ago.... so I dropped Adam off at the 3 mile start and waited at the finish line...

Rob came in first out of the 3 of them. He then circled around and joined up with Danielle for her last mile... yeah, he ran 7 miles and then thought, I have more energy, I'll run another mile... Ahhh, to be that in shape.

Here is a pic of the 3 of them very shortly after they ran across the finish line...


And here I am being very proud of my man!!! (complete with Starbucks coffee mug attached to my purse ;~)


To Adam, Rob and Danielle... I couldn't be more proud! You guys were awesome!

I apparently will never outgrow high school

My friend Jaime's bridal shower was yesterday and I spent a solid hour fretting about what to wear. Seriously… I was going back and forth trying to decide what the 'popular girls' would wear. Keep in mind, I have been friends with Jaime for years and I am in her wedding... she could careless about what I wear... regardless....

A little background... In middle/high school I wasn’t what you call popular… I was a wallflower, of the grandest proportions. Admittedly I spread my wings a little more when I went to a smaller Christian school my last 2 years, but from fifth grade to tenth grade, my greatest goal was to be invisible. And for the most part I succeeded.

Flash forward to present day and I am much more comfortable with myself. More confident so I take greater risks… certainly risks that I wouldn’t have taken in school. I wear what makes me comfortable and what have you... or so I thought.

Back to yesterday when I worried about what to wear. Brown pants, hippie tank top, black guachos, gray 'rebel' shirt, flowery skirt, pink shirt.... as it turns out, pink was the color of the day ;~)

Looks like school be damned... I am popular.

That is Kelly, Heather, Jaime and I looking fabulous!

Kelly - if you read this post and don't leave me a comment, you're in big trouble! I know where you sit and I can hold your contracts hostage ~ j/k ;~) Love ya!

Ok, Ok... I get it... ;~)

I wanted to respond to everyone's comments but putting all of this in a comment seemed a tad excessive so....

Kathi - I couldn't delete you if I wanted to ;~) Thanks for the kind words... and the reminder of the difference between sad and disappointed. That was an excellent point ~

Dad - Thanks for everything... not just this comment but everything, I don't know what I would do without you. God definitely had a plan there ~

Tom - Anytime you want! I am always ready to talk about that boat ;~) You actually gave me a good idea for a project (and eventual blog)... and my dad is pretty awesome ;~)

Johnnie - Thanks for the insight. I try to remember that, I swear I do!

Leesa - I have had that thought too, like maybe there is a bigger reason why I am here... haven't figured out what it is but I have had the thought. I stay because of the $$ and the benefits... I know $$ isn't everything but it is a factor right now. While my husband can command WAY more money then I will ever make and does bring home good money, right now I am the one with the steady income and I am the one who provides the benefits... I do like your idea of finding someone that does what I want to do ;~)

Thanks to everyone for the comments. I do appreciate them. I know in my heart of hearts that my mom was (and would be if she was here) proud of me. I just get a little stuck in my head sometimes and can't seem to shake the funk.

I do wish that I had taken more cues from her... listened a little more... given her ideas more credence... done more with her... asked her more questions...

It's just one of those things that death takes from you. I am realizing that I knew very little about the woman that raised me. Now, at the age I am, is when I was supposed to be asking questions about her life. (I only recently figured out that my mom had a life before me, who knew ;~)

I do have journals, pictures, documents and memorabilia to go through, when the time is right ;~)

Thanks again to everyone ~

One of those days...

I can't seem to shake this blah feeling. I have been having this re-occuring thought process and it's troubling me. I know my mom wanted me to be happy and satisfied in my career. I know, every parent wishes that for their kids but she gave me advice and nudged me as I was deciding. She always stressed that it was important and I should work hard to do something that I love. That urging was born out of a lifetime of working just to provide for me... I know she never really liked any of her jobs. She did them to put food on the table and I think she wanted more for me.

So where am I now? In a job that I fell bass ackwards into, doing something that is completely contradictory to my degree and lifestyle, wishing that I was somewhere else.

Please don't anyone write in and say 'most people feel that way' and/or 'hardly anyone uses their degree for the intended purpose' - You run the risk of your comment being deleted.

I digress... the thought process is this... I think of all the times my mom helped and encouraged me to find a career... then I think about all the opportunity that I had to make something out of my life... then I think about the wasted opportunity that I didn't grab onto... then I look around and see where I am professionally and I can't help but think that she would be so dissapointed in me. (Not me as a person, just me as a professional... I am smarter than that!)

It hurts to think that I have let my mom down.

Please know that I am not looking to be fixed... only to throw what is on my mind out into the universe. Sometimes just saying it outloud makes me feel better.

Oh and earlier this morning, I tried to eat my body weight in fruit roll-ups. Not a feat I would recommend.

For your weekly smile... my dog sleepy on daddy's lap laying across daddy's laptop computer. I love this house.

We have a visitor...

...the ever lovable Jack Jack! We are dogsitting for Joy while she is away with her family this weekend.

FYI - Vicki (Joy's mom, standing at the van) is a very good friend of mine who I have known since my childhood... when I was 9 she would babysit me during the day when my mom was working and then eventually I started babysitting her kids. I also spent quite a few summers at her house as a mother's helper. In fact, I spent a good chunk of my childhood with her and her family and and I loved every minute of it ~ Hard to believe I used to hold Joy as a newborn and now she is gaining on me in height! Amazing! Anyway, I digress... all this to say that I love this family a lot!!!

Back to the show....



Here are Joy and I introducing the dogs. A little sniff and we are good to go.



Seriously, is that not a grin to melt your heart ;~)

Adam and I have noticed a little 'competition' from Jack Jack and Riley... If Adam or I pet one, the other races over. Or if we are sitting somewhere and one comes to snuggle, the other is right behind trying to snuggle more... Ahhh sibling (sort of) rivalry.

They are getting along well though so it is a happy household. Moments of chasing each other around the apartment followed by Riley needed to take a break (he is almost 9 ;~)... All in all, it's going to be a fun weekend!!!



Oh and random shot of my husband wearing my pink trucker hat... and looking VERY hardcore ~ being married is fun ;~)

Heavy on the videos...

Sorry I have been so heavy on the videos lately but this one is totally worth it! Too awesome... oh and I stole it from Laura! Thanks chick!

The Crazy craze...

Getting to know me

I got this from Kathi's, be sure to check hers out too.

I AM: trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up
I WANT: to be able to stay home with my babies (you know, when I have them)
I WISH: that there was a cure for cancer
I HATE: that my mom was taken before she got to meet her grandchildren
I MISS: my mom every single day (right there with you Kathi)
I FEAR: instability
I HEAR: sounds of the office
I WONDER: how old I will be when I die
I REGRET: there are lots of things I would like to change if I could but I heard it said once that regret for the past is a waste of spirit and I believe that.
I AM NOT: an optimist ~ I am trying, but I am not one by nature
I DANCE: occasionally... with the right amount of liquid courage
I SING: even though I stink ;~)
I CRY: when I think about a certain conversation with my mom
I AM NOT ALWAYS: happy when I should be
I MAKE WITH MY HANDS: I wish I could write language here but maybe someday :)
I WRITE: whatever I think is important or relevant at the time
I CONFUSE: my husband on a daily basis (sorry sweetie, I love you ;~)
I NEED: forgiveness daily (amen Kathi!)
I SHOULD: trust God more
I START: a lot of books and a lot of projects
I FINISH: amost nothing... I am one of those people
I TAG: everyone who reads this! Well, you don't have to but would love to read it if you do!

The Great Migration to Crofton is Complete

I have to say that I have the coolest friends! People started showing up to our EC apartment around 9:15 and by 10 we were loading the truck with our belongings. With the boys doing some brute force lifting, some girls doing some last minute packing, other girls carrying boxes and the incomparable Pat working the puzzle that was our moving truck and our belongings... we were on our way within an hour and a half.

We got to Crofton around noon and by 1 the truck was unloaded and Adam and Rob were driving it back to be dropped off!

Here is a shoutout to everyone that helped... Craig, Ali, Zach, Tiny, Pat, Kristen, Sandy, Becky, Carrie, Scott, Seth, Victoria, Rob and Danielle ! I think that is everyone... 14 people... no wonder it went so smoothly! Thank you guys so much... Adam and I have a wonderful group of friends!

Once the hubbub died down, Seth ran home to get DDR (Dance Dance Revolution for those of you not in the know!) and Seth, Victoria, Rob, Danielle, Adam and I danced our hearts out for awhile.

Then we took Scout and Riley to the dog park. After Adam and I walked the perimeter to make sure there were no prison break openings, some tears from mom (I kid you not) and some adamant 'I am not taking Riley off this leash' discussions... Adam freed Riley. He took off running (alongside Adam) and seemed to be enjoying himself. Although after his initial run, he gave us a look like... "hmmmm, what now... I am off my leash but still surrounded by fence...not sure what I am supposed to do". Regardless he got to explore and see a whole new world sans his leash. I have to admit, I am a believer in the dog park now. I only wish my mom could have seen that! She always wanted to see Riley without a leash on (you know without it being a matter of his life and death ;~)

After we tired out the dogs (and some of the humans...) we all gathered at S and V's for dinner and games. Delicious wheat pasta (who knew it would taste good ;~)... perfectly seasoned chicken... some great red wine... and yummy ice cream for dessert, it made for a great meal. And Apples to Apples finished off the evening with S coming back for an amazing win!

Good times! I love where we live!

Oh by the way... for all those that helped us move... has anyone see the tray pictured on the bottom of the smaller table?

It is removable and we seemed to have lost it along the way and I thought maybe it was in the back of someone's car or maybe someone remembers seeing it...

Thanks!

Too cool to pass up!

This is by far one of the best videos that I have come across in a long time... thanks honey!!!

Wild and Crazy Weekend

Adam and I were on the move all weekend... not that I am complaining... just tired now! I thought I would recap what went on...

Friday night - Party at Phil's house. One of the 'fellows' at John Hopkins, Joanna, passed the CA bar so Phil (lawyer at JH) hosted a party for her. This was my first look at being a lawyers wife... not as bad as I thought. I was convinced that in this world (lawyers wife world) everyone would speak with words that I don't know, about current events that I don't keep up with and with an air of superiority that would make me want to hit them. Turns out they are pretty normal. Good conversation, GREAT Iranian food and I even found a friend.... I am the even present animal lover!


Saturday - I went and had 'kitchen coffee' with a very good friend. A friend... I still giggle at that! She used to watch me years ago until somehow we flipped and I began babysitting her kids. Some of my best summers were being a 'mother's helper' to her! Growing up and becoming her friend was actually quite seamless... like it was meant to be ;~) I thank God she was placed in my life all those years ago... God has quite a plan... more detailed and intricate then we can imagine ;~) Here is a painting (a portrait of myself) done by her 4 year old daughter... hanging proudly on my refrigerator.


Saturday night - Went out to eat at Corks in Baltimore with my dad, his girlfriend Stacie and Adam. We had a great time and the food was delicious! You have to love men in pink! Dad likes to treat Adam and I to good food every once in awhile! We have to maintain a taste for the high life... dad would be so disappointed to know that I can put down a can of Spaghetti-O's like no one's business! At some point dad, Adam and I will be treating you to dinner, I promise ;~)


Sunday - went to church in the morning and a Shippeque in the afternoon! The weather was looking very threatening for a while but right as we started the festivities the sun broke through and it was gorgeous the rest of the day! Praise Jesus! What a great time... most of our bible study was there and my friends Diana and Stephen came! This is an active bunch so I think this is only the start of many outdoor activities to come this summer!

And I had to post the Team picture! From the right, Scott, Seth, Rob, Danielle, Adam and me! Ummmm, I do believe Team Adam/Rob/Jessi won both games of volleyball... good thing Team Scott/Seth/Danielle is not competitive (cough cough).


Anyway, all in all... fantabulous weekend! That's all I have for now ;~)

Khaki's are attacking your closet

I love my husband more than anyone on this earth. That being said, husbands are funny creatures. Adam went to a meeting last night so I was home alone (with Riley the Wonderbeagle of course). I took the opportunity to do some laundry... pickins were slim and it needed to be done. My usual MO with laundry is do a few loads, fold everything then put it away (instead of putting it away after every load). So around 8:30 - 9 I go to put everything away. Inevitably I have to straighten out the husbands closet because there are collared shirts thrown up where the pants are folded, pants randomly folded and sitting where the undershirts go, ect... not an issue, I don't mind this at all because I am the 'neat' one of the 2 of us.

I finish, go chill on the couch for awhile until the husband returns. He runs into the bedroom, changes and plops on the couch to watch Scrubs with me.

We are now ending the night and I am walking into the bedroom where my husband is waiting and I pass by the closet... this is what I see...



I calmly walk in and tell him that his khaki's are attacking his other clothes.

Little things like this make me love being married. Heck, if this is the worst, I am in good shape.

I love you sweetie!!!

List of Most Favorite Things

a Color: Pink (Sorry Kathi ;~)
a Time of Day: 5:00pm, I can taste freedom
a Day of Week: Thursday
a Month: August
a Holiday: Mother's Day
a Food: Eggplant pancakes (don't knock it until you try it!)
a Movie Genre: Romantic Comedy/Teen Flicks
a Actor: Zach Braff
a Actress: Natalie Portman
a Film: Garden State and Anne of Green Gables
a T.V. Program: Scrubs
a Sport: not a big fan of any of it but probably baseball if I had to choose
a Animal: Riley the Wonderbeagle of course
a Character Trait: (in others) loyalty
a Body Part: My Feet
a Piece of Clothing: right now, long flowy pink and white skirt
a Music: right now, Citizen Cope, subject to change on a daily basis
a Game: Texas Hold'em
a State To Drive Through: I think all of them have something to offer
a Sound: a heartbeat

The Great Migration to Crofton

It's official... we are moving!!!

Saturday May 6th is moving day for Adam and I!

We are leaving Ellicott City behind for a grander life in Crofton!

We signed a lease on a great apartment (more like a condo) right off Rt. 3. It is 15 minutes from our church, mere seconds from friends, closer to Annapolis which is our eventual goal and it is 50 times better than the apartment we are in now.

Wish us luck and if you want to come out and help move, by all means, show up!!! We are getting started aroun 9:00-10:00 am on Saturday May 6th! We will provide lunch (probably pizza) and drinks!!!

Shout out to Paco for the official title of our move... forever henceforth May 6th shall be referred to as The Great Migration to Crofton...

And from this weekend...

Thursday night... One very happy couple!

Friday night poker ;~) Carrie stacking all her chips!

Prozac for the part of my brain that deals with finances

Seriously folks... I don't like to talk money with everyone I know but I have got to get this off my chest!

Between getting taxes back, owing the evil Orchard Park ridiculous money, Adam starting a new job, signing a lease and paying for a new, wonderful apartment, starting to pay back federal student loans for my husbands fabulous education, then starting to pay back private loans for the other part of my husbands fabulous education, then realizing that we may have another loan in FL (grandpa G signed for that but died more than 2 years ago) and going back and forth from we have to pay that, we should pay that and the bank can't collect on that... I am about ready to have a financial breakdown...

I am not sure what a financial breakdown looks like but I will take pictures...

All I do know is that I will continue to tithe... I never felt better than when I wrote that check!

Also, for those who don't know... Danielle and Rob have spent 6 months (this time around) apart while Rob was serving our country in Africa. He is now back, driving on American soil, drinking Starbucks and coming home to friends that have missed him! Rob had to report to Camp Lejune in NC after his deployment ended and Danielle drove down to be with him. They should be on their way back to MD as I type!

Art

Thought my devoted readers might get a kick out of this art. Ron Mueck

Sick to my stomach

So Adam and I signed a lease for an apartment in Crofton that we are absolutely IN LOVE with! It is gorgeous, spacious, perfect location and right next to our friends Rob and Danielle (hey guys, can we borrow some sugar!).

That is not the part that I am sick to my stomach about... the sick to my stomach is in regards to the apartment (read 'dungeon') that we are currently living in.

Aparently the notification for termination is 60 days and not the 30 days that we thought... which means that because we terminated (standard, not an early termination) today Orchard Park is charging us for all of May and prorated for June at the month to month rate... this basically translates to us owing them $1800 dollars for an apartment that won't be occupied from May 6 on... freaking fantastic. I feel like such a putz for not paying more attention... because we weren't watching, Orchard Park has us pinned to the wall.

Now, all things being right... Orchard Park is correct... we should have terminated when it said (although I will say that we didn't know what we were doing yet and that's a bit unfair to push us into making a decision that far out...) but come on people... 1800 bucks... i am going to cry... seriously, tears down the face right now.

I can tell you this... there will be some choice words written in the memo section of that check...

It gets me every time...

It doesn't matter how many times I see this or how often... I laugh everytime! Thanks Karen!

And the business starts!!!

Adam is officially in business for himself and will be starting his first job as an independent contractor on Tuesday April 11, 2006!

Many of you (my 3 devoted readers) are probably wondering what the heck I am talking about ... here's the scoop...

The Johns Hopkins (temp) gig is ending this Thursday/Friday so Adam and I have been discussing what his next steps should be. We (and when I say "we", I mean I) would like him to have a FT, permanent, with benefits, 9-5 job... however, that dream just hasn't worked out.

So this Sunday Adam and I were discussing really starting his own legal business. Start out by doing legal consulting; helping overloaded small firms, writing briefs and memos, research, ect... Then over time start the process of taking on clients and transition into a full time law firm. We talked about what that would take from us... sacrifice and faith... and what it would do for Adam.... gets to work in the actual legal arena, learns all types of law, meets great people....

Monday morning Derek (one of the lawyers at JH) called Adam into his office. Derek told Adam that, on a whim, his wife and he got together with friends that they haven't seen for almost a year for dinner Friday night. Derek told Adam that this friend was taking on a 3 month case that would require him to hire someone to help out. Enter Adam's name! Derek apparently sung Adam's praises to Jim and Jim was interested.

Adam found all of this out Monday morning and met with Jim for lunch on Monday afternoon. Jim loved Adam and said as long as the client is fine with hiring you, you are hired!

Adam just got an email this morning that said "The client authorized hiring you as an independent contractor on the terms we discussed. See you Tuesday."

The job is approximately 3 months long so this will carry us into June. That gives Adam and I time to focus on starting his own business; the name, business cards, letterhead, ect... It also gives Adam time to start making contacts with other firms/laywers for the future. This particular job is also supposed to see approximately 3 weeks of courtroom time which Adam is very much looking forward to!

Sorry we were so "mums the word" about this but we have gotten our hopes up in the past and we just wanted to be sure that this would work out.

So there you go ladies and gentlemen! We are being looked after, Praise Jesus!!!

You know those people...

that start their own business. They just decide to step out in faith and give it a go. A couple of our friends did just that and check it out!! Notice the pink bubble on the right... the "Best Beauty Awards: The best of 2006"



Now notice #5... "Trinity Blessed Balm"!!! How cool is that!



Check them out if you are in the market for some awesome cosmetics!
Trinity Cosmetics

Scrubs!

I am thrilled to announce that iTunes is now offering Season 5 of Scrubs! Downloaded it last night, thank you very much ~ I so wish I could have stayed home to watch all the episodes today... and I would have!

Work was not the first place on my list of places I wanted to go today... not that I have a bad job... it's actually a pretty good job but right now it is the trifecta from hell (shout out to all Lewis Black fans)... it is a Friday, it is the end of the month and it is the end of the quarter... in my world, this is the perfect storm! Oh well, I survived thusfar, I am sure I can get through today! I am conning Karen to go to lunch with me so that we might enjoy some of the BEAUTIFUL day outside!

In other news, my church is meeting for the first time in our new building this Sunday... I can't think of anything more exciting! I toured through it Wednesday night and it absolutely stunning... not ornate or gaudy... by stunning I mean it has designated classrooms for children, bathrooms that aren't vandalized, a stage that doesn't have to be taken down every week, equipment that can be left where it is until the next week! To us that is unheard of... we have been meeting in Annapolis High School ever since I started going to this church (~10 years). All I have to say is thank you Lord for staying true to us! Oh and by the way... the building, the land and all other monetary things... debt free. Our church owes not a red cent for anything! Trust in the Lord and He will be right there with you!

There are some other things going on that aren't all roses and peaches but I am trusting the Lord that whatever happens is in his best interest... and to the woman that demonstrates trust in God's will, no matter the circumstances... I love you! By just staying true to what you know and believe, you are an inspiration for those who watch you!

Ok, I gotta start working! These contracts won't process themselves!

The Cancer Card

I finished a book not too long ago, of which I won't mention the title as some of my devoted readers may want to borrow it and I would hate to ruin anything for them. However, I feel that I must comment on the book regardless.

One of the main characters had cancer... bone, breast, lung... I can't remember and it doesn't it really matter. As soon as I read the words I rolled my eyes and throught "here we go, some author is going to try to portray what it is like to watch someone battle cancer"... mind you, I watched that very scenario play out in my life and I am no closer to being able to tell you what it is like then any jane 'cancer free life' doe roaming the streets. It was my life... not mom has cancer and this is how my life goes... it's just my life... how can I describe what it is like if I don't have anything to compare it to... now if my twin grew up with a mom that didn't have cancer... maybe combined we could fill you in... However, we would have a whole other set of issues to discuss with you (separated at birth, abandonment issues, mistrust of everyone who lied to us, ect...) so the whole cancer/no cancer thing probably wouldn't rank very high on the problem chart.

I digress...

I figured the storyline would go something like this: character falls ill, sees the doctor, cancer, treatments, remains upbeat and attractive, does all the things that wanted to do but didn't: sky dive, scuba dive, high dive (thought I was onto something with the diving...). You get the idea... live because you are dying mentality...

I kept reading (because once I start... it has to be downright horrendously awful, 'put me to sleep while I am jumping on a pogo stick' boring for me to stop)... and to my surprise it wasn't half bad. The author wasn't far off base... the treatments... the feelings of family and friends.... the physical changes and my all time fave... the lack of the "live because you are dying" experience... Don't get me wrong the character did certain things... letters, tapes, speechs but all from the comfort of the bed. What was absent was the "oh, I am dying anytime from now until 3 months from now... I am going to travel, sky dive, bungee jump, ect... All things that someone who is quite literally dying with cancer couldn't possibly do...

This leads me to believe the author has been through this oh so enlightening experience.

Then I read another book (yes, I am on a kick lately) and surprise surprise... one of the characters has cancer. I think well heck, the last book I read surprised me by pr Only this time... the character ran and jumped from docks into the cold water, rode bicycles through the mountains of the landscape and lets be civil about it... had "fun" with the girl next door. To this I say "yeah, right". This is exactly what I was expecting from the other book. However, even better than just the idiotic 'I can do anything I want even though I have cancer' attitude... the main character was told of a high risk, seldom suceessful treatment which originally he opted out of but then after meeting the aforementioned girl next door, surprise surprise, he decides to go for it. And well, what do you know, it works. How hunky dory for them.

Maybe I am missing something... is there a form of cancer that can kill you in 3 months but despite that, you can run around like you are the healthiest you have ever been? I submit that there isn't... I haven't seen it and unfortunately, I have seen a lot of people battle and/or die from cancer.

I wish I knew where I was going with this... I really don't. I just don't see that this stuff happens in real life. If that were so, my mom and I would have gone to a spa weekend getaway together, traveled to Texas to see the blue bonnets again, shopped on 5th Avenue. Heck, mom and I weren't even able to finish redoing her photo albums like we wanted. Maybe I just never accepted that she was going to die so I didn't think of doing these things.

Behind the picture

I guess an explanation might be nice.

This is a photograph of a video image of my biological father pushing me on a swing. We were in Spain, on our patio and he was playing with his new toy, the video camera. Please believe me when I tell you the video camera was more interesting to him than I was.

At first glance, I saw the photograph of a father as he should be... attentive, caring, fun. However, when I include reality, I see the father he really is... colorless, self serving, and not distinguishable in my life.

As if the picture wasn't enough irony...

What confounds me most of all is how, after 19 years of him ignoring my very existence, all I ever wish for is him to say he is sorry and that he wants to know me.

Well that concludes story time with Jessica, next time I will just pass out Valium to everyone.

For a peak into my day to day life... our Wonderbeagle... you know the one I bragged about a few posts back... yeah, he threw up on the bedspread which happens to be a down comforter, an expensive and very loved down comforter. So great, he's sick.... who can be angry at a sick dog. Certainly not me... until I walk away for 2 minutes to put away laundry and come back to the living room to find Mr. Wonderbeagle himself perched on the coffee table eating a generous portion of what used to be my dinner. Oh God, have mercy on the dog's soul.

To make a long story slightly shorter... Wonderbeagle was confined to a mommy-made prison until daddy got home to release him. I kid you not when I say the prison was for his safety as much as it was for my sanity.

Yeah, I'm ready to have kids.

Irony

My memories of him are directly proportional with the clarity of this photograph. I didn't even think of that when I took it... I love irony.

Trusting God today...

At bible study last night we read and discussed Judges 6 and 7 and then Pat challenged us to look where we were trusting in God on a daily basis. With regards to that... here's my story.

So genius me had a doctor's appointment that I forgot about until this morning. So when I checked my day planner I saw 10am and ran with it... I quickly made my rounds at work to tell everyone I would be out for a couple hours and hurried out the door. I breathlessly signed in and talked with the front desk person who informed me that my appointment wasn't until 11:45am... I had looked at the time for an appointment tomorrow... can it get any better than that??? I had left behind MAJOR work... many contracts and lots of dollars were riding on me getting these contracts filled with the right language and back the client for signature and here I am nearly 2 hours early for a doctor's appointment.

After some self deprecating humor, I sat back, picked up Jesus Freaks and assumed God had other plans for me today. I made a conscience decision not to be angry or upset and to enjoy the time I had and worry about work when I got back. 10 minutes later they called me in the office, I was seen and out and back to my office and at my desk a half hour before my original appointment! AND IN A GOOD MOOD!!!! Praise Jesus.... I got back, prioritized my work (something I RARELY do) and dug in. 16 minutes before I am set to leave work, I am writing this with only 1 thing left in my inbox and that contract doesn't start until April 3, I have time!!!

I trusted in God that His plan was better than the screw up I made and sure enough... He came through ~ I love it ~

Afraid? Of what?

I am reading the book Jesus Freaks by dc talk and I am finding it rather interesting. I thought it was a book about the band but as it turns out it is a book about men and women who laid down their life and/or security in the name of Christ. Heavy stuff, let me tell you! It can be depressing until you think that all these men and women are rejoicing with the Lord now.

Anyway, last night I came across the following poem which really struck a cord and I wanted to share it...

Afraid? Of What?
To feel the spirit’s glad release?
To pass from pain to perfect peace,
The strife and strain of life to cease?
        Afraid – of that?
        Afraid? Of What?
Afraid to see the Savior’s face
To hear His welcome, and to trace
The glory gleam from wounds of grace?
        Afraid – of that?
        Afraid? Of What?
A flash, a crash, a pierced heart;
Darkness, light, O Heaven’s art!
A wound of His a counterpart!
        Afraid – of that?
        Afraid? Of What?
To do by death what life could not –
Baptize with blood a stony plot,
Till souls shall blossom from the spot?
        Afraid – of that?
~ E.H. Hamilton ~

E.H. Hamilton was inspired to write this because of his friend Jack Vinson. When told he would be killed, and asked if he was afraid, Jack responded "Kill me, if you with. I will go straight to God."

This really speaks to me because I see my mom as a martyr for Christ. Her murderer wasn't human, it was Cancer but she died much in the same respect... facing her opponent head on and praising God the whole way. It would be so easy to shun God, blame Him, curse Him (all of which I have done myself after my mom passed) but she stuck it out. That isn't to say that she didn’t have her moments but she persevered and walked straight to God. I hope and pray I am half as strong.

I thought this was an awesome video...

Riley the WonderBeagle!

My husband and I are sitting on our couch, each playing on our mactops, just enjoying a calm relaxing Friday night... Where might you ask is Riley the WonderBeagle? He is curled up, sleeping between the two of us. Not only is he curled up sleeping soundly but he is doing so on a large throw pillow. Talk about royalty. I love this dog... does it show?


Riley enjoying some Starbuck's whipped cream.













My boys veggin'. This was our apartment in Indiana... it was an awesome place!












Teaching him Texas Hold'em might not be the best parenting skill but man can he clean up!










Cuddling on the couch ;~)














Constant guardian of any and all neighborhoods.












This makes me wish I was Riley... seriously, does life get better than this?












This is commonly known as Freaky Upside Down Dog... even freaky he's cute!!









Road tripping to Indiana... couldn't leave the buddy bear behind! We stuff his bed in the space between the seats so he can sit close to us.


















I am not too ashamed to admit... our dog is spoiled rotten and I wouldn't have it any other way!

So it's official

Adam and I are cable free. I turned in the box yesterday and supposedly someone came out to turn our cable off (haven't checked if that really happened or not).

Before you applaud us too much... we did keep the internet connection and we do have TiVo... which means we can record (with state of the art equipment) the 5 broadcast channels that we get! It's slightly comical but it works for us!

Cable was just really pointless for us. Adam and I are more broadcast channel people anyway... we like Boston Legal (him more than me ;~), Scrubs, The Office and Extreme Makeover: Home Edition... all broadcast shows...

I discovered last night that fewer channels makes it easier for me to turn the TV off and do something productive... like laundry, maintaining our finances, or reading a good book (In Her Shoes, thanks Carrie, I am half way through!!!!)

Go figure... less channels to choose from and the option of turning the TV off seems more appealing. Who knew someone could live this way... let alone me!

Please take a moment

Please pray for the families and friends of these men who lost their life serving our country.

Rob, my prayers for you just went up tenfold. Come home safe. -

The Big Snow Storm!

This was actually on Sunday when MD got anywhere from 10 - 21 inches of snow but I was a little slow on the uploading... sue me.

Dropping Scout off at Laura's then dropping Danielle off at the airport...


My boys enjoying the snow...


It was a good day all around ~

Are you kidding me?

I have got to get this off my chest or else I will be brooding all day ~

On my way in this morning some idoit who apparently forgot that other people drive on the exit ramp to 95, decides, mid exit to the south bound lane, to quickly jump over to the north bound lane... directly where I am driving. Not such a big deal because there are 2 lanes but there is a beast of a MACK TRUCK RIGHT NEXT TO ME... please don't think this is an exaggaration... I am looking at his ginormous tires, of which could ahlialate my 98 Jeep in no time flat... I am now forced to choose what death I would like... rolling over the idiot in front of me or becoming a pancake on the ramp. Luckily God was with me and I was able to brake enough to let the moron go in front of me and not get caught up in the wheels of the aforementioned MACK TRUCK. I wanted nothing more than to beat the living snot out of that moron but after one or two explicitves, I let it go. Anyone that knows me well, knows this is a miracle.

Once my heart found the correct rythym again and the adrenyline slowed in my system, things went back to normal. I continued listening to my podcast and enjoyed the drive. For about 10 minutes.

As I am pulling off the exit ramp to get to work I look down at my cup holders and realize that in the aforementioned near death experience, my coffee mug has tipped, every so slightly, in the cup holder and is now spilling wonderful Ethiopian coffee into the cup holders. I esstencially have a coffee lake next to me. Fantastic... I needed every drop of that stupid coffee (btw, thanks Rob, the coffee is DELICIOUS!!!) Not only do I have a lake forming... I realize that my house keys are in the, what was once empty. cup holder... along with a necklace that I wear on a daily basis. I literally went fishing for my keys and necklace... great....

Hey Adam, remember that great little keychain that you got me that is a decision maker (battery operated and flashes lights everywhere)... yeah, I don't think it was meant to swim in coffee...

Have a wonderful day everyone and I hope your day started better than mine ;~)

PS. I am still smiling... I won't let the devil win... besides... it makes a great story for a blog ;~) Love ya'll ;~)

I don't make the rules

For Mother's Day 2004 I made my mom a card. Truth be told, I made the card at 10 or 11 the night before. I forgot about Mother's Day and was scrambling to do something last minute. To this day I don't know if my mom knew that or not... if she did then I feel like a heel and if she didn't then I feel like a fraud... I did the only thing I know how to and got a little creative and very sentimental.

That was the last Mother's Day that I was going to spend living in her home. We had never spent a Mother's Day apart. Not even when she was in California for treatment the year before... I flew out there and dad and I surprised her. It was wonderful. But this year was the last so I wrote a card and here is what it said...

Dear Mom, What can I say on my last Mother's Day in your house. What a wonderful life you have given to me. I don't think I would be half the person I am without you as my guide. It seems like just yesterday I was this young impressionable little girl looking up at you. I followed your every move and mimicked your every step. How wonderfully that has served me. You have given me every advantage in life by just being the person you are. You have taught me what it means to be a strong independent God-fearing woman by just living your life. When things could have been the worst for us God turned it around and made you and I best friends. I wouldn't have wanted to share the past 25 years with anyone else in the world. As exciting as it is to be getting married and starting this phase of my life, it is terrifying to know that you won't be in the room next door. I will miss just being able to curl up on your bed and recount the day, or asking your advice about a certain outfit, or crying with you when I just need to cry or laughing when I just need to laugh. Even though I won't be able to do those anytime I want, I know without a shadow of a doubt that I will always be your little girl. And I know no matter how much distance there is between you and I, we will always be best friends. You can't even begin to imagine how much you mean to me and how lost I would be without you.
I love you. Love, Jessi (aka pumpkin)

That was our last Mother's Day together. I read that card at my mothers wake. I have been told I made it all the way through but I don't remember. About a week ago I was looking up email addresses in my mom's mail program and I went looking through her emails. I looked in the draft folder and this is what I found...

Dear Jessi, Who am I that God looked down on me and decided that I would be given the privilege of raising such a wonderful person and be blessed continually for it? Even though I know in my heart it is time for you to leave this house, I will miss you.

She never sent it or by the looks of it finished it. Maybe she came and talked to me or maybe I walked into the room as she was typing... I have no idea. All I know is I am glad to have found this.

I miss my mom today. I miss her everyday but today I can feel the weight of missing her. The day went by with little fanfare and maybe that is why I miss her more today. She knew me so well and she was able to make each holiday special. It's hard to lose the person that knew you the best.

~ Happy Valentine's Day ~

Just thought I would wish everyone a happy valentine's day ~ I hope it is a good one!

And humbly I say...

I am an idiot. Apparently if you don't switch your preferences from "data disc" to "audio" when burning a CD, your computer won't do it for you. Who knew...

In the end, I made all my CD's with the music I wanted... Danielle you better love this crap ~

I bow humbly before iTunes... they are back in my good graces with my sincerest apologies. I bet they are thrilled.

iTunes Rant

My beloved Apple... I love love love Apple but iTunes has done gone and angered me.

I bought several (read "many") songs from iTunes because I thought... how wonderful... a song for $.99... delivered right to my computer. Which, unknown to me, is where is to remain for ALL of its days... forever, on my computer, alone.

What the heck? No CD to listen to in my car? No CD to listen to at work? No CD to lend to a friend on a 21 hour (one way mind you) trip to see her husband who is faithfully fighting for our freedom??? Not cool ~

They encrypt the files so I can't use the music, that I rightfully bought, in the manner I see fit.

Now I know... blah blah blah copyright crap... yada yada yada and such not. BS all over the place. We all copied the radio onto cassette tapes and the music world cried CHICKEN LITTLE!!! THE SKY IS FALLING!!! Lo and behold, sky is still up and so are their sales.

We all copied tape to tape and traded among friends... ack, gasp and faint... no more money... wrong again... music industry still has money and they are still making it hand over fist...

Gack NAPSTER!!!... lol, well I agree with shutting them down (although I won't say one way or another if I used it)... but when I PURCHASE my music, I expect to be endowed with the right to do what I want with it.

Seriously, is that too much to ask? Apparently so. It's worth my money to go out and buy the CD's which I think is the direction I am headed...

So basically what I just realized... I buy from iTunes... less money, more frustration... I buy the full CD... more money, less frustration... This is a no win situation for young naive Jessica. Ugh, the perils of being an adult...

My near miss heart attack...

Adam and his integrity... I love my husband dearly but his integrity could kill me. If you refer to "God is Working" for the beginning part of the story, this will all make sense.

Adam was feeling very conflicted about cutting out the agency when it came to going back to work for Johns Hopkins. The agency had been very nice to us... getting us $$ because a paycheck was lost in the mail ("nice" as in $$ from someone's personal account) because we weren't going to make rent. Very nice people.

So he spoke with JH and posed the question... should he tell the agency he was going back to work for them? What about contracts signed (between JH and the agency)? Derek thought it a valid point... He will check it out.

They get off the phone and Adam is nervous... did he just wave goodbye to $XX per hour? Scary thoughts (scary thoughts of the wife too). Praying, sweating, happy the conscience is clear, sweating, praying, happy... I would imagine this was Adam until he heard from Derek again...

Turns out there is a clause about paying the agency a percentage of the employee's first year salary instead of being cut in for the hourly rate. Adam suggests that what about JH still pay Adam the $XX per hour and take the time Adam will be there times the percentage and give that to the agency...??? JH likes the idea and says do you think the agency will go for it? Adam quickly interjects... let me talk to them... I have a good relationship with them... I think they will go for it.

Adam quickly calls the agency and talks to his contact... she is more than willing to work out that deal. She is pleased with his honesty and forthcomingness. She knows most people wouldn't put it on the line like that.

She is absolutely correct... my husband is a gem.

Here are a few of the good things about this entire situation

1. Adam holds his head high and doesn't have to slink away from anyone, not the agency or JH
2. Adam is still earning the coveted $XX per hour which will benefit him and his lovely wife.
3. Adam gets to go back to a job he really enjoyed (it is a paralegal position so for everyone that suggests he stay there... not a good long term career move... short term/temping... fine, long term... no)
4. Adam didn't burn any bridges... if he needs to, he can go back to the agency when JH is done and get another assignment... no feeling guilty.
5. Adam learned that he is worth $XX per hour and how valuable and special he is (not just to his wife).
6. Jessica learned that her husband is very unique and special. She should take a lesson at the amount of honesty he displays... even when it doesn't turn out hunky-dory like this... it is still always worth it and it won't EVER kill me.

I love you Adam.

And for all of you that think I am sappy... you're just jealous ;~)

My hidden talent

Your Hidden Talent

Your natural talent is interpersonal relations and dealing with people.You communicate well and are able to bring disparate groups together.Your calming presence helps everything go more smoothly.People crave your praise and complements.

What's" Your Hidden Talent?