Wednesday, May 31, 2006

One of those days...

I can't seem to shake this blah feeling. I have been having this re-occuring thought process and it's troubling me. I know my mom wanted me to be happy and satisfied in my career. I know, every parent wishes that for their kids but she gave me advice and nudged me as I was deciding. She always stressed that it was important and I should work hard to do something that I love. That urging was born out of a lifetime of working just to provide for me... I know she never really liked any of her jobs. She did them to put food on the table and I think she wanted more for me.

So where am I now? In a job that I fell bass ackwards into, doing something that is completely contradictory to my degree and lifestyle, wishing that I was somewhere else.

Please don't anyone write in and say 'most people feel that way' and/or 'hardly anyone uses their degree for the intended purpose' - You run the risk of your comment being deleted.

I digress... the thought process is this... I think of all the times my mom helped and encouraged me to find a career... then I think about all the opportunity that I had to make something out of my life... then I think about the wasted opportunity that I didn't grab onto... then I look around and see where I am professionally and I can't help but think that she would be so dissapointed in me. (Not me as a person, just me as a professional... I am smarter than that!)

It hurts to think that I have let my mom down.

Please know that I am not looking to be fixed... only to throw what is on my mind out into the universe. Sometimes just saying it outloud makes me feel better.

Oh and earlier this morning, I tried to eat my body weight in fruit roll-ups. Not a feat I would recommend.

For your weekly smile... my dog sleepy on daddy's lap laying across daddy's laptop computer. I love this house.

5 comments:

kathi said...

First of all, delete me if ya want, but you know I've got to say what's on my mind. Fortunately, it's never much. :)
Hon, there is no way your mom would be disappointed in you. She may be sad that you're not happy with where you are, because she only wants you to be happy. With that said, life goes by a whole lot faster than you'll ever know until it's past. Don't live a life that you'll regret. God wants you to have the desires of your heart, you know that. Don't deprive yourself of it.

Oh, and I love your house too. :)

NumberSix said...

Jess-

I'm sure your Mom was and would be proud of you and Adam making your way in the world. I know I am. You are really showing what it means to be an adult. Life in this world isn't easy, but I think you are going to make it. Just be sure to take time to focus on your dream and work to achieve it. These things don't happen overnight.

Dad

Tom Serafini, Actor to the Stars! said...

First, thanks for stopping by. I was glad to be able to make your day with a laugh. Please come by anytime. There's always room for one more!

Second, Dude, we have so much to talk about. I got both of your messages today. It's a similar boat we sail in. If and when you want, we can go further into it. I know you don't want to hear it right now so I'll keep quiet. Kathi in a surprising show of insight had some nice things to say. Your father's support is a gift to. And if his blog name is any indication, he has awesome taste in tv too.

Suffice to say: there's not only safety but comfort in numbers...

Johnnie Avocado said...

You have to live life for yourself. Your mother only wanted you to be happy with yourself. You can do/be whatever you want, just follow your heart.

Leesa said...

Sometimes you are put in a place for other reasons besides professional accomplishment. But if you don't really like what you are doing, what is holding you there?

My professional advice: find someone that is doing what you want to do, and take them out to lunch. While at lunch, tell them that you admire where they are, and ask them what they had to do to pursue that type of career.