Friday, March 31, 2006
Work was not the first place on my list of places I wanted to go today... not that I have a bad job... it's actually a pretty good job but right now it is the trifecta from hell (shout out to all Lewis Black fans)... it is a Friday, it is the end of the month and it is the end of the quarter... in my world, this is the perfect storm! Oh well, I survived thusfar, I am sure I can get through today! I am conning Karen to go to lunch with me so that we might enjoy some of the BEAUTIFUL day outside!
In other news, my church is meeting for the first time in our new building this Sunday... I can't think of anything more exciting! I toured through it Wednesday night and it absolutely stunning... not ornate or gaudy... by stunning I mean it has designated classrooms for children, bathrooms that aren't vandalized, a stage that doesn't have to be taken down every week, equipment that can be left where it is until the next week! To us that is unheard of... we have been meeting in Annapolis High School ever since I started going to this church (~10 years). All I have to say is thank you Lord for staying true to us! Oh and by the way... the building, the land and all other monetary things... debt free. Our church owes not a red cent for anything! Trust in the Lord and He will be right there with you!
There are some other things going on that aren't all roses and peaches but I am trusting the Lord that whatever happens is in his best interest... and to the woman that demonstrates trust in God's will, no matter the circumstances... I love you! By just staying true to what you know and believe, you are an inspiration for those who watch you!
Ok, I gotta start working! These contracts won't process themselves!
Sunday, March 26, 2006
One of the main characters had cancer... bone, breast, lung... I can't remember and it doesn't it really matter. As soon as I read the words I rolled my eyes and throught "here we go, some author is going to try to portray what it is like to watch someone battle cancer"... mind you, I watched that very scenario play out in my life and I am no closer to being able to tell you what it is like then any jane 'cancer free life' doe roaming the streets. It was my life... not mom has cancer and this is how my life goes... it's just my life... how can I describe what it is like if I don't have anything to compare it to... now if my twin grew up with a mom that didn't have cancer... maybe combined we could fill you in... However, we would have a whole other set of issues to discuss with you (separated at birth, abandonment issues, mistrust of everyone who lied to us, ect...) so the whole cancer/no cancer thing probably wouldn't rank very high on the problem chart.
I figured the storyline would go something like this: character falls ill, sees the doctor, cancer, treatments, remains upbeat and attractive, does all the things that wanted to do but didn't: sky dive, scuba dive, high dive (thought I was onto something with the diving...). You get the idea... live because you are dying mentality...
I kept reading (because once I start... it has to be downright horrendously awful, 'put me to sleep while I am jumping on a pogo stick' boring for me to stop)... and to my surprise it wasn't half bad. The author wasn't far off base... the treatments... the feelings of family and friends.... the physical changes and my all time fave... the lack of the "live because you are dying" experience... Don't get me wrong the character did certain things... letters, tapes, speechs but all from the comfort of the bed. What was absent was the "oh, I am dying anytime from now until 3 months from now... I am going to travel, sky dive, bungee jump, ect... All things that someone who is quite literally dying with cancer couldn't possibly do...
This leads me to believe the author has been through this oh so enlightening experience.
Then I read another book (yes, I am on a kick lately) and surprise surprise... one of the characters has cancer. I think well heck, the last book I read surprised me by pr Only this time... the character ran and jumped from docks into the cold water, rode bicycles through the mountains of the landscape and lets be civil about it... had "fun" with the girl next door. To this I say "yeah, right". This is exactly what I was expecting from the other book. However, even better than just the idiotic 'I can do anything I want even though I have cancer' attitude... the main character was told of a high risk, seldom suceessful treatment which originally he opted out of but then after meeting the aforementioned girl next door, surprise surprise, he decides to go for it. And well, what do you know, it works. How hunky dory for them.
Maybe I am missing something... is there a form of cancer that can kill you in 3 months but despite that, you can run around like you are the healthiest you have ever been? I submit that there isn't... I haven't seen it and unfortunately, I have seen a lot of people battle and/or die from cancer.
I wish I knew where I was going with this... I really don't. I just don't see that this stuff happens in real life. If that were so, my mom and I would have gone to a spa weekend getaway together, traveled to Texas to see the blue bonnets again, shopped on 5th Avenue. Heck, mom and I weren't even able to finish redoing her photo albums like we wanted. Maybe I just never accepted that she was going to die so I didn't think of doing these things.
Monday, March 20, 2006
This is a photograph of a video image of my biological father pushing me on a swing. We were in Spain, on our patio and he was playing with his new toy, the video camera. Please believe me when I tell you the video camera was more interesting to him than I was.
At first glance, I saw the photograph of a father as he should be... attentive, caring, fun. However, when I include reality, I see the father he really is... colorless, self serving, and not distinguishable in my life.
As if the picture wasn't enough irony...
What confounds me most of all is how, after 19 years of him ignoring my very existence, all I ever wish for is him to say he is sorry and that he wants to know me.
Well that concludes story time with Jessica, next time I will just pass out Valium to everyone.
For a peak into my day to day life... our Wonderbeagle... you know the one I bragged about a few posts back... yeah, he threw up on the bedspread which happens to be a down comforter, an expensive and very loved down comforter. So great, he's sick.... who can be angry at a sick dog. Certainly not me... until I walk away for 2 minutes to put away laundry and come back to the living room to find Mr. Wonderbeagle himself perched on the coffee table eating a generous portion of what used to be my dinner. Oh God, have mercy on the dog's soul.
To make a long story slightly shorter... Wonderbeagle was confined to a mommy-made prison until daddy got home to release him. I kid you not when I say the prison was for his safety as much as it was for my sanity.
Yeah, I'm ready to have kids.
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
Friday, March 10, 2006
So genius me had a doctor's appointment that I forgot about until this morning. So when I checked my day planner I saw 10am and ran with it... I quickly made my rounds at work to tell everyone I would be out for a couple hours and hurried out the door. I breathlessly signed in and talked with the front desk person who informed me that my appointment wasn't until 11:45am... I had looked at the time for an appointment tomorrow... can it get any better than that??? I had left behind MAJOR work... many contracts and lots of dollars were riding on me getting these contracts filled with the right language and back the client for signature and here I am nearly 2 hours early for a doctor's appointment.
After some self deprecating humor, I sat back, picked up Jesus Freaks and assumed God had other plans for me today. I made a conscience decision not to be angry or upset and to enjoy the time I had and worry about work when I got back. 10 minutes later they called me in the office, I was seen and out and back to my office and at my desk a half hour before my original appointment! AND IN A GOOD MOOD!!!! Praise Jesus.... I got back, prioritized my work (something I RARELY do) and dug in. 16 minutes before I am set to leave work, I am writing this with only 1 thing left in my inbox and that contract doesn't start until April 3, I have time!!!
I trusted in God that His plan was better than the screw up I made and sure enough... He came through ~ I love it ~
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
I am reading the book Jesus Freaks by dc talk and I am finding it rather interesting. I thought it was a book about the band but as it turns out it is a book about men and women who laid down their life and/or security in the name of Christ. Heavy stuff, let me tell you! It can be depressing until you think that all these men and women are rejoicing with the Lord now.
Anyway, last night I came across the following poem which really struck a cord and I wanted to share it...
Afraid? Of What?
To feel the spirit’s glad release?
To pass from pain to perfect peace,
The strife and strain of life to cease?
Afraid – of that?
Afraid? Of What?
Afraid to see the Savior’s face
To hear His welcome, and to trace
The glory gleam from wounds of grace?
Afraid – of that?
Afraid? Of What?
A flash, a crash, a pierced heart;
Darkness, light, O Heaven’s art!
A wound of His a counterpart!
Afraid – of that?
Afraid? Of What?
To do by death what life could not –
Baptize with blood a stony plot,
Till souls shall blossom from the spot?
Afraid – of that?
~ E.H. Hamilton ~
E.H. Hamilton was inspired to write this because of his friend Jack Vinson. When told he would be killed, and asked if he was afraid, Jack responded "Kill me, if you with. I will go straight to God."
This really speaks to me because I see my mom as a martyr for Christ. Her murderer wasn't human, it was Cancer but she died much in the same respect... facing her opponent head on and praising God the whole way. It would be so easy to shun God, blame Him, curse Him (all of which I have done myself after my mom passed) but she stuck it out. That isn't to say that she didn’t have her moments but she persevered and walked straight to God. I hope and pray I am half as strong.
Friday, March 03, 2006
Riley enjoying some Starbuck's whipped cream.
My boys veggin'. This was our apartment in Indiana... it was an awesome place!
Teaching him Texas Hold'em might not be the best parenting skill but man can he clean up!
Cuddling on the couch ;~)
Constant guardian of any and all neighborhoods.
This makes me wish I was Riley... seriously, does life get better than this?
This is commonly known as Freaky Upside Down Dog... even freaky he's cute!!
Road tripping to Indiana... couldn't leave the buddy bear behind! We stuff his bed in the space between the seats so he can sit close to us.
I am not too ashamed to admit... our dog is spoiled rotten and I wouldn't have it any other way!