Scrubs!

I am thrilled to announce that iTunes is now offering Season 5 of Scrubs! Downloaded it last night, thank you very much ~ I so wish I could have stayed home to watch all the episodes today... and I would have!

Work was not the first place on my list of places I wanted to go today... not that I have a bad job... it's actually a pretty good job but right now it is the trifecta from hell (shout out to all Lewis Black fans)... it is a Friday, it is the end of the month and it is the end of the quarter... in my world, this is the perfect storm! Oh well, I survived thusfar, I am sure I can get through today! I am conning Karen to go to lunch with me so that we might enjoy some of the BEAUTIFUL day outside!

In other news, my church is meeting for the first time in our new building this Sunday... I can't think of anything more exciting! I toured through it Wednesday night and it absolutely stunning... not ornate or gaudy... by stunning I mean it has designated classrooms for children, bathrooms that aren't vandalized, a stage that doesn't have to be taken down every week, equipment that can be left where it is until the next week! To us that is unheard of... we have been meeting in Annapolis High School ever since I started going to this church (~10 years). All I have to say is thank you Lord for staying true to us! Oh and by the way... the building, the land and all other monetary things... debt free. Our church owes not a red cent for anything! Trust in the Lord and He will be right there with you!

There are some other things going on that aren't all roses and peaches but I am trusting the Lord that whatever happens is in his best interest... and to the woman that demonstrates trust in God's will, no matter the circumstances... I love you! By just staying true to what you know and believe, you are an inspiration for those who watch you!

Ok, I gotta start working! These contracts won't process themselves!

The Cancer Card

I finished a book not too long ago, of which I won't mention the title as some of my devoted readers may want to borrow it and I would hate to ruin anything for them. However, I feel that I must comment on the book regardless.

One of the main characters had cancer... bone, breast, lung... I can't remember and it doesn't it really matter. As soon as I read the words I rolled my eyes and throught "here we go, some author is going to try to portray what it is like to watch someone battle cancer"... mind you, I watched that very scenario play out in my life and I am no closer to being able to tell you what it is like then any jane 'cancer free life' doe roaming the streets. It was my life... not mom has cancer and this is how my life goes... it's just my life... how can I describe what it is like if I don't have anything to compare it to... now if my twin grew up with a mom that didn't have cancer... maybe combined we could fill you in... However, we would have a whole other set of issues to discuss with you (separated at birth, abandonment issues, mistrust of everyone who lied to us, ect...) so the whole cancer/no cancer thing probably wouldn't rank very high on the problem chart.

I digress...

I figured the storyline would go something like this: character falls ill, sees the doctor, cancer, treatments, remains upbeat and attractive, does all the things that wanted to do but didn't: sky dive, scuba dive, high dive (thought I was onto something with the diving...). You get the idea... live because you are dying mentality...

I kept reading (because once I start... it has to be downright horrendously awful, 'put me to sleep while I am jumping on a pogo stick' boring for me to stop)... and to my surprise it wasn't half bad. The author wasn't far off base... the treatments... the feelings of family and friends.... the physical changes and my all time fave... the lack of the "live because you are dying" experience... Don't get me wrong the character did certain things... letters, tapes, speechs but all from the comfort of the bed. What was absent was the "oh, I am dying anytime from now until 3 months from now... I am going to travel, sky dive, bungee jump, ect... All things that someone who is quite literally dying with cancer couldn't possibly do...

This leads me to believe the author has been through this oh so enlightening experience.

Then I read another book (yes, I am on a kick lately) and surprise surprise... one of the characters has cancer. I think well heck, the last book I read surprised me by pr Only this time... the character ran and jumped from docks into the cold water, rode bicycles through the mountains of the landscape and lets be civil about it... had "fun" with the girl next door. To this I say "yeah, right". This is exactly what I was expecting from the other book. However, even better than just the idiotic 'I can do anything I want even though I have cancer' attitude... the main character was told of a high risk, seldom suceessful treatment which originally he opted out of but then after meeting the aforementioned girl next door, surprise surprise, he decides to go for it. And well, what do you know, it works. How hunky dory for them.

Maybe I am missing something... is there a form of cancer that can kill you in 3 months but despite that, you can run around like you are the healthiest you have ever been? I submit that there isn't... I haven't seen it and unfortunately, I have seen a lot of people battle and/or die from cancer.

I wish I knew where I was going with this... I really don't. I just don't see that this stuff happens in real life. If that were so, my mom and I would have gone to a spa weekend getaway together, traveled to Texas to see the blue bonnets again, shopped on 5th Avenue. Heck, mom and I weren't even able to finish redoing her photo albums like we wanted. Maybe I just never accepted that she was going to die so I didn't think of doing these things.

Behind the picture

I guess an explanation might be nice.

This is a photograph of a video image of my biological father pushing me on a swing. We were in Spain, on our patio and he was playing with his new toy, the video camera. Please believe me when I tell you the video camera was more interesting to him than I was.

At first glance, I saw the photograph of a father as he should be... attentive, caring, fun. However, when I include reality, I see the father he really is... colorless, self serving, and not distinguishable in my life.

As if the picture wasn't enough irony...

What confounds me most of all is how, after 19 years of him ignoring my very existence, all I ever wish for is him to say he is sorry and that he wants to know me.

Well that concludes story time with Jessica, next time I will just pass out Valium to everyone.

For a peak into my day to day life... our Wonderbeagle... you know the one I bragged about a few posts back... yeah, he threw up on the bedspread which happens to be a down comforter, an expensive and very loved down comforter. So great, he's sick.... who can be angry at a sick dog. Certainly not me... until I walk away for 2 minutes to put away laundry and come back to the living room to find Mr. Wonderbeagle himself perched on the coffee table eating a generous portion of what used to be my dinner. Oh God, have mercy on the dog's soul.

To make a long story slightly shorter... Wonderbeagle was confined to a mommy-made prison until daddy got home to release him. I kid you not when I say the prison was for his safety as much as it was for my sanity.

Yeah, I'm ready to have kids.

Irony

My memories of him are directly proportional with the clarity of this photograph. I didn't even think of that when I took it... I love irony.

Trusting God today...

At bible study last night we read and discussed Judges 6 and 7 and then Pat challenged us to look where we were trusting in God on a daily basis. With regards to that... here's my story.

So genius me had a doctor's appointment that I forgot about until this morning. So when I checked my day planner I saw 10am and ran with it... I quickly made my rounds at work to tell everyone I would be out for a couple hours and hurried out the door. I breathlessly signed in and talked with the front desk person who informed me that my appointment wasn't until 11:45am... I had looked at the time for an appointment tomorrow... can it get any better than that??? I had left behind MAJOR work... many contracts and lots of dollars were riding on me getting these contracts filled with the right language and back the client for signature and here I am nearly 2 hours early for a doctor's appointment.

After some self deprecating humor, I sat back, picked up Jesus Freaks and assumed God had other plans for me today. I made a conscience decision not to be angry or upset and to enjoy the time I had and worry about work when I got back. 10 minutes later they called me in the office, I was seen and out and back to my office and at my desk a half hour before my original appointment! AND IN A GOOD MOOD!!!! Praise Jesus.... I got back, prioritized my work (something I RARELY do) and dug in. 16 minutes before I am set to leave work, I am writing this with only 1 thing left in my inbox and that contract doesn't start until April 3, I have time!!!

I trusted in God that His plan was better than the screw up I made and sure enough... He came through ~ I love it ~

Afraid? Of what?

I am reading the book Jesus Freaks by dc talk and I am finding it rather interesting. I thought it was a book about the band but as it turns out it is a book about men and women who laid down their life and/or security in the name of Christ. Heavy stuff, let me tell you! It can be depressing until you think that all these men and women are rejoicing with the Lord now.

Anyway, last night I came across the following poem which really struck a cord and I wanted to share it...

Afraid? Of What?
To feel the spirit’s glad release?
To pass from pain to perfect peace,
The strife and strain of life to cease?
        Afraid – of that?
        Afraid? Of What?
Afraid to see the Savior’s face
To hear His welcome, and to trace
The glory gleam from wounds of grace?
        Afraid – of that?
        Afraid? Of What?
A flash, a crash, a pierced heart;
Darkness, light, O Heaven’s art!
A wound of His a counterpart!
        Afraid – of that?
        Afraid? Of What?
To do by death what life could not –
Baptize with blood a stony plot,
Till souls shall blossom from the spot?
        Afraid – of that?
~ E.H. Hamilton ~

E.H. Hamilton was inspired to write this because of his friend Jack Vinson. When told he would be killed, and asked if he was afraid, Jack responded "Kill me, if you with. I will go straight to God."

This really speaks to me because I see my mom as a martyr for Christ. Her murderer wasn't human, it was Cancer but she died much in the same respect... facing her opponent head on and praising God the whole way. It would be so easy to shun God, blame Him, curse Him (all of which I have done myself after my mom passed) but she stuck it out. That isn't to say that she didn’t have her moments but she persevered and walked straight to God. I hope and pray I am half as strong.

I thought this was an awesome video...

Riley the WonderBeagle!

My husband and I are sitting on our couch, each playing on our mactops, just enjoying a calm relaxing Friday night... Where might you ask is Riley the WonderBeagle? He is curled up, sleeping between the two of us. Not only is he curled up sleeping soundly but he is doing so on a large throw pillow. Talk about royalty. I love this dog... does it show?


Riley enjoying some Starbuck's whipped cream.













My boys veggin'. This was our apartment in Indiana... it was an awesome place!












Teaching him Texas Hold'em might not be the best parenting skill but man can he clean up!










Cuddling on the couch ;~)














Constant guardian of any and all neighborhoods.












This makes me wish I was Riley... seriously, does life get better than this?












This is commonly known as Freaky Upside Down Dog... even freaky he's cute!!









Road tripping to Indiana... couldn't leave the buddy bear behind! We stuff his bed in the space between the seats so he can sit close to us.


















I am not too ashamed to admit... our dog is spoiled rotten and I wouldn't have it any other way!

So it's official

Adam and I are cable free. I turned in the box yesterday and supposedly someone came out to turn our cable off (haven't checked if that really happened or not).

Before you applaud us too much... we did keep the internet connection and we do have TiVo... which means we can record (with state of the art equipment) the 5 broadcast channels that we get! It's slightly comical but it works for us!

Cable was just really pointless for us. Adam and I are more broadcast channel people anyway... we like Boston Legal (him more than me ;~), Scrubs, The Office and Extreme Makeover: Home Edition... all broadcast shows...

I discovered last night that fewer channels makes it easier for me to turn the TV off and do something productive... like laundry, maintaining our finances, or reading a good book (In Her Shoes, thanks Carrie, I am half way through!!!!)

Go figure... less channels to choose from and the option of turning the TV off seems more appealing. Who knew someone could live this way... let alone me!

Please take a moment

Please pray for the families and friends of these men who lost their life serving our country.

Rob, my prayers for you just went up tenfold. Come home safe. -

The Big Snow Storm!

This was actually on Sunday when MD got anywhere from 10 - 21 inches of snow but I was a little slow on the uploading... sue me.

Dropping Scout off at Laura's then dropping Danielle off at the airport...


My boys enjoying the snow...


It was a good day all around ~

Are you kidding me?

I have got to get this off my chest or else I will be brooding all day ~

On my way in this morning some idoit who apparently forgot that other people drive on the exit ramp to 95, decides, mid exit to the south bound lane, to quickly jump over to the north bound lane... directly where I am driving. Not such a big deal because there are 2 lanes but there is a beast of a MACK TRUCK RIGHT NEXT TO ME... please don't think this is an exaggaration... I am looking at his ginormous tires, of which could ahlialate my 98 Jeep in no time flat... I am now forced to choose what death I would like... rolling over the idiot in front of me or becoming a pancake on the ramp. Luckily God was with me and I was able to brake enough to let the moron go in front of me and not get caught up in the wheels of the aforementioned MACK TRUCK. I wanted nothing more than to beat the living snot out of that moron but after one or two explicitves, I let it go. Anyone that knows me well, knows this is a miracle.

Once my heart found the correct rythym again and the adrenyline slowed in my system, things went back to normal. I continued listening to my podcast and enjoyed the drive. For about 10 minutes.

As I am pulling off the exit ramp to get to work I look down at my cup holders and realize that in the aforementioned near death experience, my coffee mug has tipped, every so slightly, in the cup holder and is now spilling wonderful Ethiopian coffee into the cup holders. I esstencially have a coffee lake next to me. Fantastic... I needed every drop of that stupid coffee (btw, thanks Rob, the coffee is DELICIOUS!!!) Not only do I have a lake forming... I realize that my house keys are in the, what was once empty. cup holder... along with a necklace that I wear on a daily basis. I literally went fishing for my keys and necklace... great....

Hey Adam, remember that great little keychain that you got me that is a decision maker (battery operated and flashes lights everywhere)... yeah, I don't think it was meant to swim in coffee...

Have a wonderful day everyone and I hope your day started better than mine ;~)

PS. I am still smiling... I won't let the devil win... besides... it makes a great story for a blog ;~) Love ya'll ;~)

I don't make the rules

For Mother's Day 2004 I made my mom a card. Truth be told, I made the card at 10 or 11 the night before. I forgot about Mother's Day and was scrambling to do something last minute. To this day I don't know if my mom knew that or not... if she did then I feel like a heel and if she didn't then I feel like a fraud... I did the only thing I know how to and got a little creative and very sentimental.

That was the last Mother's Day that I was going to spend living in her home. We had never spent a Mother's Day apart. Not even when she was in California for treatment the year before... I flew out there and dad and I surprised her. It was wonderful. But this year was the last so I wrote a card and here is what it said...

Dear Mom, What can I say on my last Mother's Day in your house. What a wonderful life you have given to me. I don't think I would be half the person I am without you as my guide. It seems like just yesterday I was this young impressionable little girl looking up at you. I followed your every move and mimicked your every step. How wonderfully that has served me. You have given me every advantage in life by just being the person you are. You have taught me what it means to be a strong independent God-fearing woman by just living your life. When things could have been the worst for us God turned it around and made you and I best friends. I wouldn't have wanted to share the past 25 years with anyone else in the world. As exciting as it is to be getting married and starting this phase of my life, it is terrifying to know that you won't be in the room next door. I will miss just being able to curl up on your bed and recount the day, or asking your advice about a certain outfit, or crying with you when I just need to cry or laughing when I just need to laugh. Even though I won't be able to do those anytime I want, I know without a shadow of a doubt that I will always be your little girl. And I know no matter how much distance there is between you and I, we will always be best friends. You can't even begin to imagine how much you mean to me and how lost I would be without you.
I love you. Love, Jessi (aka pumpkin)

That was our last Mother's Day together. I read that card at my mothers wake. I have been told I made it all the way through but I don't remember. About a week ago I was looking up email addresses in my mom's mail program and I went looking through her emails. I looked in the draft folder and this is what I found...

Dear Jessi, Who am I that God looked down on me and decided that I would be given the privilege of raising such a wonderful person and be blessed continually for it? Even though I know in my heart it is time for you to leave this house, I will miss you.

She never sent it or by the looks of it finished it. Maybe she came and talked to me or maybe I walked into the room as she was typing... I have no idea. All I know is I am glad to have found this.

I miss my mom today. I miss her everyday but today I can feel the weight of missing her. The day went by with little fanfare and maybe that is why I miss her more today. She knew me so well and she was able to make each holiday special. It's hard to lose the person that knew you the best.

~ Happy Valentine's Day ~

Just thought I would wish everyone a happy valentine's day ~ I hope it is a good one!

And humbly I say...

I am an idiot. Apparently if you don't switch your preferences from "data disc" to "audio" when burning a CD, your computer won't do it for you. Who knew...

In the end, I made all my CD's with the music I wanted... Danielle you better love this crap ~

I bow humbly before iTunes... they are back in my good graces with my sincerest apologies. I bet they are thrilled.

iTunes Rant

My beloved Apple... I love love love Apple but iTunes has done gone and angered me.

I bought several (read "many") songs from iTunes because I thought... how wonderful... a song for $.99... delivered right to my computer. Which, unknown to me, is where is to remain for ALL of its days... forever, on my computer, alone.

What the heck? No CD to listen to in my car? No CD to listen to at work? No CD to lend to a friend on a 21 hour (one way mind you) trip to see her husband who is faithfully fighting for our freedom??? Not cool ~

They encrypt the files so I can't use the music, that I rightfully bought, in the manner I see fit.

Now I know... blah blah blah copyright crap... yada yada yada and such not. BS all over the place. We all copied the radio onto cassette tapes and the music world cried CHICKEN LITTLE!!! THE SKY IS FALLING!!! Lo and behold, sky is still up and so are their sales.

We all copied tape to tape and traded among friends... ack, gasp and faint... no more money... wrong again... music industry still has money and they are still making it hand over fist...

Gack NAPSTER!!!... lol, well I agree with shutting them down (although I won't say one way or another if I used it)... but when I PURCHASE my music, I expect to be endowed with the right to do what I want with it.

Seriously, is that too much to ask? Apparently so. It's worth my money to go out and buy the CD's which I think is the direction I am headed...

So basically what I just realized... I buy from iTunes... less money, more frustration... I buy the full CD... more money, less frustration... This is a no win situation for young naive Jessica. Ugh, the perils of being an adult...

My near miss heart attack...

Adam and his integrity... I love my husband dearly but his integrity could kill me. If you refer to "God is Working" for the beginning part of the story, this will all make sense.

Adam was feeling very conflicted about cutting out the agency when it came to going back to work for Johns Hopkins. The agency had been very nice to us... getting us $$ because a paycheck was lost in the mail ("nice" as in $$ from someone's personal account) because we weren't going to make rent. Very nice people.

So he spoke with JH and posed the question... should he tell the agency he was going back to work for them? What about contracts signed (between JH and the agency)? Derek thought it a valid point... He will check it out.

They get off the phone and Adam is nervous... did he just wave goodbye to $XX per hour? Scary thoughts (scary thoughts of the wife too). Praying, sweating, happy the conscience is clear, sweating, praying, happy... I would imagine this was Adam until he heard from Derek again...

Turns out there is a clause about paying the agency a percentage of the employee's first year salary instead of being cut in for the hourly rate. Adam suggests that what about JH still pay Adam the $XX per hour and take the time Adam will be there times the percentage and give that to the agency...??? JH likes the idea and says do you think the agency will go for it? Adam quickly interjects... let me talk to them... I have a good relationship with them... I think they will go for it.

Adam quickly calls the agency and talks to his contact... she is more than willing to work out that deal. She is pleased with his honesty and forthcomingness. She knows most people wouldn't put it on the line like that.

She is absolutely correct... my husband is a gem.

Here are a few of the good things about this entire situation

1. Adam holds his head high and doesn't have to slink away from anyone, not the agency or JH
2. Adam is still earning the coveted $XX per hour which will benefit him and his lovely wife.
3. Adam gets to go back to a job he really enjoyed (it is a paralegal position so for everyone that suggests he stay there... not a good long term career move... short term/temping... fine, long term... no)
4. Adam didn't burn any bridges... if he needs to, he can go back to the agency when JH is done and get another assignment... no feeling guilty.
5. Adam learned that he is worth $XX per hour and how valuable and special he is (not just to his wife).
6. Jessica learned that her husband is very unique and special. She should take a lesson at the amount of honesty he displays... even when it doesn't turn out hunky-dory like this... it is still always worth it and it won't EVER kill me.

I love you Adam.

And for all of you that think I am sappy... you're just jealous ;~)

My hidden talent

Your Hidden Talent

Your natural talent is interpersonal relations and dealing with people.You communicate well and are able to bring disparate groups together.Your calming presence helps everything go more smoothly.People crave your praise and complements.

What's" Your Hidden Talent?

God is working

Some good news about Adam's job search... actually make that a couple good things...

First, Adam sent a resume via email to a firm in Baltimore yesterday (in answer to a job posting), they responded via email today and an interview was set up for tomorrow at 3:45pm. Very fast paced and extremely exciting! He should also be hearing something from another Baltimore firm he interviewed with last week. He did have an interview in Rockville yesterday but it was only so so... which is fine, it wasn't really an area of law that Adam is interested in.

I digress... first came the spur-of-the-moment interview, then towards the end of the day a lawyer from John's Hopkins University called Adam. Let me stop here to inform those who don't know... Adam worked a temporary gig at the General Counsel's office at JH for about 2 months or so last year. He worked as a paralegal while JH was looking for a permanent person for the position. While he was there he made some good connections with the lawyers in the office, enter Derek, who called Adam today. As it turns out the young woman that JH hired for the paralegal position wasn't working out and was, as of today, no longer working there. Derek wanted to find out if Adam would be interested in coming back to help out while they looked for another permanent person.

Now when Adam had worked there in the past, it was through an Agency and Adam made X amount of dollars. Derek doesn't want to go through the Agency. Derek asks how much he made through said Agency. Adam informs him. Derek promptly offers double the old pay and then for good measure adds $1 on top of the double pay. Unreal! Adam would have went back there for the same pay as before... Talk about gravy!!!!

Adam is at a point at his current temp job where they just finished a big project and leaving now wouldn't pose a big problem... Derek is offering Adam generous pay... Derek wants and values Adam so much he is willing to go the extra mile to have him there. What a stellar day. Thank you Lord for meeting us here!

Just a couple days ago we were at a point where pulling rent money together by tomorrow was looking difficult... lo and behold I forgot to enter a paycheck into our Quicken account... rent is covered, thank you Lord! (Seth/Victoria... sound familiar ;~) Just a couple days ago we were worried about not having a safety net to fall back on in times of need... lo and behold the Lord brings along this awesome opportunity. Not only does the Lord provide us with some financial security but He gives Adam a much deserved boost to the self esteem.

Now, all I have to remember is always rely on God and He will meet us. Thanks everyone for your prayers.

Hey Rob... this one is for you...

Danielle cooking! What a domestic diva (and I emphasize diva ;~) you have on your hands ~ Truth be told... it was a great meal.... after Adam and I informed Danielle that you have to add water to the pot of frozen corn... Gotta love the girl ;~)