I just watched Grey's Anatomy. Yeah, yeah, I know... soap opera drama. Sue me, I am hooked.
There was one scene towards the end where Alex took a barrette out of Izzy's hair and a chunk of her hair came with it... she was officially losing her hair to the chemo. They looked at it and Izzy broke down sobbing. The terror in her face at the thought of what was happening was overwhelming... for me.
I was too young to appreciate the thought of asking my mom what she went through. What was her reaction when she was diagnosed? Who did she tell first? Did she sit me down and explain it or just play it off as doctor visits?
I wish I had... I wish she could tell me her story. She must have been terrified. She was 34, going through a divorce and mom to a 7 year old. She lost her mother in that same year. I wonder if losing her mom affected her the same way it's affected me.
Selfish can't even begin to describe me back then. Not that I think I was any different from any other 26 year old... I just hadn't matured enough to know better. I didn't know then what I would want to ask now.
I wish I knew my mom's story.
I wish I could tell her Happy Mother's Day.
I wish I could tell her what a wonderful mom she was, flaws and all.
I wish I could tell her that she makes me want to be a better mom to Chase. She makes me strive for my best.
I have nothing more to give tonight so I will leave you with one of my favorite pictures.
*Sorry if this is the most depressing Mother's Day post ever... it's hit me harder than I expected.