Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Quiet in the house

I am laying on the couch and the only sound is the bathroom fan humming. I am too afraid to turn it off right now because I think it provides white noise for Chase who is... drumroll please... sleeping! Yep... it's 9:40 and he has been asleep since 5 after 9. This both terrifies and excites me. Chase is a solid 9 hour sleeper, at least he was last time we attempted an earlier bedtime so the idea that he may be getting up at 6 (or even earlier, yikes) terrifies me. Mama likey her sleep ;~) On the other hand, I have had 30 minutes to my very own to surf the interhighway, write email and do whatever my little heart desires! I really only surfed and emailed... apparently that is what my heart desires.

If anyone has been paying attention to the comments then you will know there is a good chance I was starving my son. A tad dramatic, I know but regardless (not irregardless... I hate that!) he has most likely not been getting enough calories to keep him satisfied. Oh well, lesson learned... thanks guru Diane! We are now on a hard hitting quest to fill that belly at all times! Today he had some fruity stuff with whole grain in the morning and not surprising... he loved it. What was surprising is we tried spinach and potatoes this afternoon and lo and behold, Chase inhaled it. Took down about 3/4 of the jar, which we promptly finished for dinner and started on the second one. I mean I like spinach (always have) but it shocked me to learn that Chase likes it as well. Of course he doesn't like sweet potatoes which Adam and I tend to eat about 3-4 times a week. Truly boring stuff, sorry.

So I have been wanting to write this post about why I hate being a parent. I think about it a lot... formulate ideas in my head, script it out.... ect. Until now I haven't actually started writing anything but what the hey, now is as good a time as any. Remember, I have mommy time!

So, I really only have one reason for hating being a parent... we will get there... lets go over some of the obvious possibilities. Sleepless nights... (the proverbial) 'they' tell you about those. Crying for no reason... the same 'they' tell you about that. The constant worry... 'they' tell you about (although you cannot imagine the depth until you are a parent!). All the other things people are so happy, correction gleeful, to warn you about. I got it. I am currently watching time speed by, I am dreading when he starts talking back and when he starts crawling I will move that chainsaw. Got it.

What 'they' didn't adequately warn me about is the self doubt. Since the day I brought Chase home I have second guessed every decision I have made. I have doubted my abilities in every situation I have been thrust into. I have cried to Adam that I am not doing this right and I want out. (Chase, if you are reading this years from now... I truly do love you with all my heart... mommy was just tired ;~) I really wasn't prepared for the amount of self doubt I could come up with. Nursing, co-sleeping, medication, no cry solution, sleeping, awake time... the list can go on forever. Did I make the right choice... have I royally screwed him up... will this come out in therapy years from now? The craziest thing about the self doubt is I know better. More than a few times a day I talk myself down off the ledge of self doubt. I remind myself that this is the first time I am doing this and no one is good at anything the first time around. I remind myself that all mothers go through this and that somehow all these babies survive and thrive. I remind myself that I am allowed to make mistakes. I remind myself that even if I make mistakes (re: starving my child, see above) I still love that little boy with all my heart and I will do my best to raise him happy and healthy.

If all else fails, I remind myself that he won't remember this time in his life anyway!

Monday, May 26, 2008

Chase goes swimming

Our community pool opened this weekend so we decided to take Chase for his first experience with the pool! First off, how cute are his swim trunks!

We spent a few minutes in the big pool... the water was freezing! Chase was none too happy with the cold water.

Daddy tried to ease Chase into liking the water by playing a little but shortly after this we were kicked out. Apparently babies aren't allowed in the big people pool ;~( So sad.

So we hung out in the baby pool for a little while. It was a little better but still really cold. Chase was having fun in this picture but that was about it. The rest of the time he was iffy at best.

We decided to head home and fill up our own pool. Chase was hesitant at first but after a few minutes he realized it was very similar to his bath which he loves.

I just love this picture.

Happy boy!

Chase was having so much fun Daddy decided to get in and play.

Yummy rings.

Chase man getting all tuckered out.

We are still dealing with Chase's napping issues. He has just refused to sleep any longer than 45 minutes (and a nap that long is few and far between) but more to the point is he is grumpy all day with occasional happiness. This is not his normal disposition so I know he isn't getting enough sleep. I think tomorrow I will be changing up the routine and trying new things. Obviously what we are doing (or were once doing) is no longer effective. Time to change. The only thing constant about Chase is that he is always changing.

I hope everyone had an enjoyable Memorial Day weekend!

Sunday, May 25, 2008

Sleep is more important than money...

As evidenced by our willingness to drive all over Crofton and Annapolis yesterday on a wing and a prayer that Chase would nap. It worked... he napped for about 45 minutes, woke up and with no change in atmosphere, the hum of our moving Jeep lulled him back to sleep for at least another 45 minutes!

It started in the morning with Chase's first nap... more appropriately, his lack of first nap. He was down for all of 30 minutes before little man was awake and unwilling to go back to sleep. And I tried... oh did I try to get him back to sleep. It didn't work. So we start the process over.... up, feed, play and when he is sleepy, back down for another nap. When he went down for the second nap, I thought 'great, here is where I recharge and get some mommy time'... 15 minutes after he went down, I hear noise. No, this can't be... he has to be joking. He wasn't. With the same unwillingness to go back to sleep, despite his mother's DESPERATE attempt, Chase was back up. It was now 1 ish and we had in essence wasted the day so far... it's amazing how quickly time passes when Chase is awake for the majority of it. We are now looking at the day thinking that it will be a pointless unproductive day... so we attempt to salvage it by researching parks in the area to have our pictures taken... and in doing so have Chase nap in the carseat. So at 3 (next nap time) we set off. We have our Garmin and we are just cruising all over Crofton and Annapolis looking at parks and checking backseat mirror. To our relief, most of the time, this what we saw...

Around 4:20 Adam and I were talking about plans that we had for the rest of the weekend... I mentioned Rose's graduation party that was tomorrow... Saturday. Just as Adam was telling me that today was Saturday, I was coming to that realization. No, no I didn't mess this up... I have to be wrong. We consult our calendar... yeah, the party started at 3 and was about 45 minutes away from our house, of which we are 20 minutes away from with no baby supplies. I was crushed. I have had this party on our calendar for months... I really wanted to be there. Now, not only have I not recharged from Chase, I feel like the worlds biggest schmuck. Ugh.

We decide to try to salvage the day (again), and head to Annapolis. It's gorgeous and we thought we could cruise main street. Chase woke up on our way there so we actually were able to get out and walk around.

As you can see we did get to enjoy the great outdoors. We sat on a bench for a little while and played with Chase and people watched.

We even got a fun family shot!

We timed going home so just as we got home Chase would be ready for another nap. He was cranky and getting sleepy the whole way home... so much so that I hopped in the backseat as we were driving to distract him from screaming. I take him immediately to his room, we do our sleepy routine, he is tired... until we actually lay down. It goes from drifting eyes to spitting out the paci to babbling to all out screaming. Then after the screaming comes crying... the kind of crying that people talk about when they talk about babies. Inconsolable crocodile tears. At this point my tears rival Chase's. I was so tired, so spent, so not wanting to be a mommy anymore. Adam came and took Chase while I finished crying. After some deliberations between Adam and I, we decided that Chase just wouldn't nap that evening and we gave up. He would just have to be a crankpot the rest of the eveing and he did not let us down. We limped along until 10 which is his current bed time at which point we all passed out.

I did get up with him at 11 something... then again at 12 something... and again at 6 something... unfortunately that is to be expected with a bad day of napping. Oddly enough, good sleep during the day means good sleep at night. Bad sleep during the day means bad sleep at night. Oh well. Today is a new day. Thank goodness.

Sunday, May 18, 2008

Chase has visitors

Amy Jean and Larry from Family Law said they came over to eat dinner and spend time with us... but you can see who they really wanted to see!

Latest and greatest from their end of the world... they are engaged! Congrats again guys!

And yes, Larry is wearing the greatest team in baseball... New York Yankees! Anyone who is a fan is welcome in my house!

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Happy Anniversary!

It's been 4 years since hubby and I tied the knot!  

Here are some wedding pictures for your viewing pleasure!
This is part of the Baltimore skyline... we got married at Pier 5 Hotel.
Here we are 'flipping off' the camera... relax, it's just our ring fingers!
Here's my hottie on our wedding day!

Doing a little twirl for the camera!  

It's hard to believe it's been 4 years since this day.  I can't believe all that's changed in our lives... we had just lost Ryan, mom passed away a few months later, we moved no less then 8 times jointly, grammy passed away, we had a baby... it's makes my head spin!  Not only have the physical aspects of life changed but we have changed.  We have learned how to communicate better, we have learned to rely on the Lord more, we have grown closer than I ever thought we could... the list goes on!  

To my hubby... here's to the last 4 years!  I love you more then I did that day and I will love you more tomorrow then I do today.  You have given me more than I ever thought I needed.  I love you, I love our story, I love our life and I love the child we made together.  Thank you for the last 4 year and here's to many, many, many more!  Remember the deal we made ;~)

Mother's Day Continued

On Tuesday I received these from my dad. I love when my holiday's extend past the actual day! Thanks Dad!!!

Sunday, May 11, 2008

First Mother's Day

So my first Mother's Day is coming to a close and I couldn't be happier. It was such a wonderful day... I really couldn't have asked for anything better.

It started when I went to get coffee... next to my mug was a card from Adam and Chase and in the card was a gift certificate for a photography session with Kim Flores. Some of you that bounce between the Townley's and our website may recognize the name... she just did some photography for them and the pictures turned out amazing! The moment I saw the work she did for the Townley's I was interested in having her do some photography for us. Apparently Adam felt the same way, he called her that day! I am absolutely elated and cannot wait for the appointment!

After coffee we got ready to head to church for the baby dedication. Chase was running on absolutely no sleep when we got to church and I really thought we would have a screaming hellion on our hands. Not in the least. He made it through the worship and being up on stage (with 13 our couples and their babies!) while we dedicated him to the Lord. When we sat back down, my little angel fell asleep in my arms and slept through the whole service. Don't let him fool you though.... the service was awesome. I love hearing Greg speak and this morning he spoke of a virtuous Abigail from I Samuel 25. I was utterly spellbound by his sermon.

We had a reception after service where they took a family portrait... which I can't wait to see... I think it turned out really well!

After the reception we went home to relax... well mom and dad relaxed and Chase napped! After he woke up we headed to the Mallare's for a Mother's Day picnic with the other small group parents. It was really great to spend time with other parents... we compared notes and talked about what each baby was currently doing, or on the verge of doing (Lily is going to be crawling soon, she pivots like a champ!) We spent a good long time there before melt downs started to occur and then everyone split.

We came home and promptly put a tired Chase to sleep... which he proceeded to do for the next 2 hours and 45 minutes! Which allowed mommy and daddy to crash out on the couch and get some needed rest! A family nap session if you will ;~) Even Riley was behaved, he just curled up on his bed!

Chase woke up and Adam and I had dinner... yummy Brazilian Black Bean soup (which Ali, if you are reading this... I LOVE YOU... that soup is a staple in our meal plans!). We played with Chase for awhile and marveled at how awesome he is. Then bath, stories and bed time and the house is silent again (knock on wood ;~).

It has been damp all day and at least for the last half of the day it's been raining... but it's a soft rain that doesn't require you shut the door. So for the last 6 hours or so we have had the rain as background noise... it's just beautiful.

The only way this day could have been more perfect was if my mom were here to share it with me. I wish with all my heart she could have been but I know we live in a fallen world and sometimes you are just dealt a raw deal. As I learned from Abigail this morning... my attitude doesn't have to depend on my surroundings... what I do and don't have. My attitude should only depend on God's love for me and serving him to the best of my ability. I tried to take that approach today. I allowed myself to be a little sad and I did tear up at church just before we went up on stage but then I made the conscious decision to be ok. And it worked. I looked at what I have... a wonderful amazing husband who went out of his way to make this day special for me, a beautiful healthy baby boy and friends and family that care a great deal for me. It's really ok, life is really good.

Here are a few pictures from this weekend...

If that isn't an Adam face I don't know what is... I swear you could take 40 pictures in a row and get a different expression on each picture!

Is this thing on?

Babies everywhere! L-R... Ava, Lily and Chase

Kristen and Ava (10.5 months), Chase and I (6.5 months), Diane and Lily (6.5 months) and Jen and Ethan (2 months).

I love this picture but what I love more was the taking of the picture which I wish we had on video. Picture 4 parents on the other side of the camera making the goofiest faces, saying the silliest things and creating the biggest ruckus to elicit these smiles. It was absolutely hysterical!

A shout out to my other first time mommy friends out there:
Danielle and Anna (2 months)
C and Scooter (1.5 months)
Diana and Lola (1 year today!)
Diana and Sam (1 year)
Carrie and Tyler (5 months)
April and Dante (8.5 months)

And to all the veteran mommies out there... thank you for all that you do! Where would the world be without moms!

Friday, May 09, 2008


Actually make that first teeth! The 2 bottom ones popped up overnight! He seems to be doing ok with them... no real mood changes or sleeping changes... thank goodness! We took pictures (of course) but I will spare you... just a gummy slobbering mouth with translucent colored almost invisible teeth ;~)

Today also marks the end of our week with Anna... here are a few pictures...

Tuesday - Chase would just look at her and squeal over and over again.

Wednesday - Mommy/Aunt Jessi entertaining babies.

Thursday - Again, Chase just LOVES looking at Anna.

Friday - Did you keen observers notice another baby?? No I didn't take leave of my senses and add another baby to my growing daycare... Ethan's mommy came with him for a visit (and she brought me lunch, YAY! Thanks again Jen!).

Ethan and his mommy Jenn... doesn't he look so peaceful?

Mother's Day is coming up and I really want to be looking forward to it... first one and all but I am having a really hard time with missing my mom. If you think about it... please pray for me. I really want to enjoy my first Mother's Day and I am trying hard but I really, really miss her lately.

On Sunday we have a baby dedication at our church where Adam and I are 1. dedicating Chase to the Lord and 2. dedicating ourselves to raising him in Christ's image. I am super excited about that. Also, the new parents in our bible study (and the 2 soon to be new parents) are getting together for a BYOP at Jason and Diane's house. This is all our first Mother's Day... from Kristen on down the line so we are celebrating together... Pat and Kristen, Adam and I, Jason and Diane, Rob and Danielle, Brian and Jenn, Tiny and Zach and Jason and Sylvia. It should be a lot of fun!

Thursday, May 08, 2008

Husband Shared

this with me... and I am sharing it with you all...

Totally worth the jump!

Tuesday, May 06, 2008

Life with 2 babies

So life is pretty busy most of the time with 2 babies... it's really about the juggling when they are both awake. One needs to breastfeed while the other needs to bottle feed... and it always seems to be at the same time. I don't know how they do that other than conspiring against me when I am not looking ;~)

Currently they are both sleeping... Chase in his crib and Anna in the swing next to me... the quiet is nice!

The daycare actually has a space available for Anna starting next week which I think is perfect. I originally thought watching Anna would be no problem (we even discussed this as a FT option before either baby was born... GACK!) but more and more I am glad we went in another direction. I still think it would be perfect... IF neither of the babies were mine. At the end of the day, Anna goes home but I am still on call for all of Chase's needs (I know, I know, welcome to motherhood)... my point being 2 babies aren't a big deal if you can say goodbye to both at the end of the day and then relax. Apparently with motherhood there is no relaxing ;~)

I think God really knew what he was doing when He orchestrated this week. We got to test it out and know for certainty that this was not a good idea for a FT solution. On the flip side Danielle got to leave Anna with me for the first week... kind of a buffer to the real transition to daycare. Oh and God knew to make this only 1 week instead of the original 3... I think I might need to be institutionalized at the end of 3 weeks. Not only am I on call for 2 needs machines but I don't get out of the house at all during the day... yeah, that's just too much ;~)

Ok, I am off to get something done while they are both quiet... love the sound!

Monday, May 05, 2008

Multiple babies!

For the next 2-3 weeks I am in home daycare to one Miss Anna Stuart. They have a licensed daycare facility all lined up but the room Anna will be in isn't ready just yet... they are looking at the end of May. So in the meantime I am watching Anna while mom returns to the workforce.

If everyone who reads would stop and say a quick prayer for Danielle, I would really appreciate it. The first few days of this have to be very difficult.

Currently Adam, Riley, Chase and Anna are all sleeping... what a lovely sound! That should change momentarily... Adam's alarm will go off at 7... which he will inevitably snooze for 7 minutes... hopefully the sound doesn't wake Chase early... once movement in the house starts, Riley will be up again... hopefully all the commotion won't wake a sleeping Anna! It will definitely be a busy next couple weeks for me... there is a reason that babies can't come closer together... a 6 month old and a 2 month old promise to be lots of work!

As it turns out... Adam did wake at 7 but reset the alarm for 15 (which I asked that he turn off and I will just wake him)... Chase did stir but I popped a paci in his mouth which seems to have held him off (he has gas and he is squirming all around)... Riley picked up and went to bed with Adam... and Anna is still in her swing but sleeping a little fitfully.

Oh well... I am off to guzzle my coffee and get prepared for the day!

P.S. Danielle - Anna told me to tell you not to worry... she was going to have a lot of fun playing with Chase today. She also told me to take lots of pictures so she can show you all the fun she had. I will oblige!

Saturday, May 03, 2008

Happenings from Htown

We are in Hagerstown visiting the family this weekend. We are celebrating Mother's Day a week early since the baby dedication is next week and we will be home in Crofton. For such a short weekend, a lot has gone on.

Another convert! It finally happened... after years of high pressure sales and teasing, Sandy and Joe have gone Mac... and I guarantee they won't go back! Congrats and welcome to the club!

Chase enjoys being tossed in the air and daddy is happy to oblige.

Daddy and mini-me sitting in the same pose.

Mother and son... wow, I am a mom. Still feels weird to say that!

Daddy taking some artistic shots... if lawyering doesn't work out he always has a career in the arts!

Chilling with Grandma and Grandpa.

Chase's first time in a high chair! He ate his dinner right along with us... although all he got was sweet potatoes and apples!

Well he did get a bit of ice cream for dessert! This will become a tradition when visiting Grandma and Grandpa... Maugansville Creamery for ice cream! Heck, I will probably ask for ice cream before Chase gets a chance... mama likes her sweets!

Friday, May 02, 2008

First Word

I am pretty sure Chase is a genius.

Yep... total genius.

Thursday, May 01, 2008

Disapproving looks

So I bought 2 packages of gdiapers from a local natural market store and as we all know... I will not be using the gdiapers until they fix some issues I have with them. So, I of course wanted to return them and get my money back. I was dreading this... thinking that I would get the raised eyebrow 'couldn't hack it, huh' look from the cashier. I was wrong... the cashier was utterly clueless when it came to returns so the manager came over... he gave me the raised eyebrow 'couldn't hack it' look.

- "What was wrong with these?"
- "They don't work".
- "Hmmm, I will have to call the manufacturer."... "You are the first one to return these
because they didn't work"
- what I was thinking "Fantastic holier than thou, do I get a prize?"
- what I said "Really? Because they didn't hold any poo and they backed up my

- "Did you use the swish stick?"
- what I thought "Duuhhh, no, I wish I would have thought to read the
die-reck-shions before I went flushing random pieces of diaper down my toilet."

- what I said "Yes"

Uncomfortable silence.

- "Ok, you are all done"
- "Thank you, have a great day."

At some point I said something like I will keep looking for an alternative.

- So he says "Cloth diapers..."
- Politely I respond "No"
- He says "My mom did..." (please say this with an air of condescension in your voice)
- what I thought "Really, did she... she must be a saint to put up with all the poop
you produced as a child. Will she be canonized soon? She is definitely a better
human than I am. I should take notes... do you think she will let me study at
her feet on how to be a good mother and good to mother earth?"

- I didn't respond.. just smiled and left.