Wednesday, July 09, 2008

Motherhood ain't for sissies

So I am currently listening to Chase scream and cry his head off. It's as awesome as it sounds.

He has taken to only sleeping for 25-30 minutes during the day for each nap and waking up at the 1 o'clock and 5 o'clock hour at night. With all this non-sleeping comes a very angry clingy baby during his awake times and a very overtired frustrated mommy all the time. I was literally seeing double and lightheaded I was so tired yesterday. I am just at my wits end on how to make him sleep. We have tried everything under the sun (except for switching to formula, more on that later) to relieve what we think is gas waking him up. We are starting to think that maybe the gas isn't the problem and that now he is just old enough to manipulate us. I write this with some fear that people will look at me with scorn and say I should have been sleep training him from the beginning... this is all my fault. I deserve a crying manipulative non-sleeping baby. I don't know if anyone actually feels that way but that is what I think people will be whispering behind my back (I know, paranoid much?)

I truly hate the cry it out method. I think it makes Chase feel abandoned and alone. I hate that he cries so hard he gulps down air and then chokes on it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. Are my true feelings coming across here? All that to say that I am now trying it. I am tired (physically and emotionally) of doing the same thing day after day expecting a different result. I have exhausted all the remedies for gas and discomfort that I can possibly think of... or that google can think of. The only thing I have not tried is taking him off breastmilk and putting him on formula. The reason I contemplate this is because maybe there is something that I am eating that causes him discomfort. Also, I think the formula may be heavier than breastmilk, therefore making him more full and sleepy. I don't know how much I believe either of those are the real culprit which is probably why I haven't made the switch. Also, it's an all or nothing shot. We have to give formula at least a week before we would see results and by then I wouldn't be able to switch back to nursing even if I wanted to.

Can you see the insanity? Can you feel my frustration? All I want is a child that sleeps and I definitely do not have that.

Oh and to those people that claim "I let my child fall asleep crying and they slept so good... 2 hours!" I say a hearty BS. He cried it out (for 45 minutes) and finally fell asleep with me rubbing his tummy (because being on his own was only making him angrier and angrier) and proceeded to wake up 25 minutes later. Crying and screaming just as hard as before. So here I am. Hungry, tired, unshowered, overwhelmed and in tears myself. I just want my mom.


Anonymous said...

Jess- You are a wonderful mom and I can only imagine how you must feel (although I may be there myself in a few months). Don't doubt yourself and keep having faith! You and Chase will get through this. My mom says that I was a very fussy baby and it wasn't until 9 mons that she finally let me cry myself to sleep. Please feel free to call her!!! Love ya! Jaime

Mary said...

I have no advice for you, as I am not going through a baby--- but I want to encourage you to do what YOU feel is necessary. No one can be a better mom to your Chase Harper than YOU jess. You're awesome. And everyone does everything differently, I am learning that big time by watching everyone else raise their own child the way they want to. Not the way their mom wants them to, or the way the books tell them to, but the way THEY want to. Get some Jess time soon, and some Jess and Adam time too. It's easy to forgo, I'm sure. I'll keep your patience and sanity in my prayers!!!!

asuthrngrl said...

oh sweetie i feel for you! i am also tired of everyone else telling what to do when none of it works! have you called your pediatrician yet? sometimes they can really help if you let them. savannah doesn't sleep either and i don't know what to do. you make me cry when you want your know she is in heaven reaching out for you. i have given up on the crying it out thing too, so don't feel bad there! just keep loving chase, even when it's tough. he'll get there!

Anonymous said...

Jess, you are not alone. I felt the same way you did. One thing my doctor did suggest (and not sure if you have done this) is if it is gas that is bothering him, scoop him up tummy down on the forearm and start vaccuming he has 12 kids...yes that's right 12 kids...(can't even imagine) but anywoo, start vaccuming the sounds from the vaccuming will sooth him along with pressure on the belly. And I used to give my daughter a dose of Mylicon (wonderful stuff) and trust me your not alone, I used to put my daughter in the next room (safe of course) and I would go outside on the deck and just cry!! It does get better so there is a light at the end of the tunnel! I hope my suggestion works for your lil guy! My doctor did say that when you let them cry it out it just makes it worse cause they are sucking in more air and causing more gas....he also said if I needed him to come get her he would...I haven't taken him up on that offer...I am sure he was kidding but I should next time I can't get her to calm!! But hang in there!!!

Caleb and Adrienne said...

Hi Jess-

I’m a friend of Danielle’s from college. I have been following your blog because your little boy is a couple of months ahead of my little boy….so you have provided TONS of advice for me through your posts. Yes! I’m admitting that I “stalk” your blog….but at least I personally know one of your friends, right?? =0)

I know you know this, but sometimes it helps to hear it again: there is no right or wrong way to raise your little man. Every day is a new day. Sometimes it is hard to remember that when you are SO sleepy!

Our little guy doesn’t sleep consistently. At daycare, he gives them 25-30 minute naps…TOPS! Every now and then, he’ll go for an hour (never 2 unless he is sick!). Since he doesn’t sleep during the day, we put him to bed at 7, wake him at 10 to nurse and hopefully get 7-9 hours while we are sleeping from that point on. (Fingers always crossed!) We put two pacifiers in with him in the crib and leave the mobile on so that if he hits it when he wakes up maybe it will put him back to sleep. We also put a little blanket (shhhh! Don’t tell) in with him when he initially falls asleep so he can smell me. I remove it after his 10pm feed. I think he is coming of age where separation anxiety has something to do with it, now… we’ve been playing some serious games that teach when I leave the room I will always come back!

I am sure that you shared this post with everyone and didn’t want any more useless advice (or a novel!). Just ignore me if you’ve tried this all before. Have you thought about offering formula before naptime or before bed instead of giving up a feed? I can’t pump enough at work to feed my little man, so we do a combination of breastfeeding and formula. I know some moms that nurse in the morning and at night and do formula all afternoon. I’m not sure what kind of formula Danielle has chosen, but we use Carnation GoodStart because of the comfort soothing proteins. =0) Our little guy has SERIOUS gas with Enfamil and Similac. But, the good news for us was that after giving our little guy one bottle of formula during the day, we knew by that night if it was going to make him gassy!

Again, hang in there! Hope one little piece of this post might help =0)

Jenn said...

I feel you pain...

Ethan only naps for 20 minutes if I put him in his crib, so I end up holding him just so he'll get enough sleep.

At night he wakes up every 45 mins to an hour and a half, so I end up putting him in bed with me just so I'll get enough sleep.

I think gas is an issue as well as his general dislike of laying flat on his back to sleep and his lack of a self soothing method (won't take a paci and only finds his fingers sometimes...and then not for long)and i know that giving in and holding him is only prolonging an already un-fun situation, however --like you-- I can't stand the idea of Ethan feeling abandoned and alone.

Wish I had an answer for you...I just got a book in the mail called Baby Whisperer. If I ever have a chance to read it, I'll let you know if she has any ideas.

Hang in're a great mom :-)

LoveLladro said...

jaime - i am praying jackson is a good sleeper! if not, i have books and ideas galore!

mary - thanks for the prayers! i definitely need them ;~)

amy - i love that we found each other and can commiserate together! i missed you chickie!

anon - do i know you? just curious ;~) i would try the vacuum but chase has recently developed an aversion to it... and i am not sure i could hold him and vacuum at the same time... maybe with a smaller baby ;~) i am so with you on the cry it out method being difficult with a gassy baby... i pick him up from a round of CIO and he is belching and tooting something fierce. makes the whole thing pointless. by the by, think your doc would come take a turn with chase ;~)

adrienne - i love that you blog stalk! i love even more that you took the time to leave me a great comment! thanks for the advice, i will keep in mind the formula in case we decide to go that route! i like the idea of the games to show that mommy will always come back. chase is VERY clingy right now... sometimes so bad that its only me he wants. makes me feel great most of the time but sometimes i just want to plead with him to go to someone else! oh and shhhh, i like the blanket trick... i may try that ;~)

jenn - i am starting to think that bad napping is a predominately boy trait! let me know what your book says (we saw that one and thought about getting it) and i will let you know what our book says!

Anonymous said...

Okay so I am an old coworker of Danielle Townley and that is how I am stalking your blog, I admit it your little boy is stinkin cute, I have also admitted to stalking Diane Mallare's blog too, she knows so I guess it's only fair that you know have a daughter that is only 3 months older than your little guy! I wish I could just give you a hug cause I know exactly what your going through...My husband is about to deploy so he is not even around to help out. So technically no you don't know me. =o) Danielle sorry I am stalking all your friends!!! =o)

LoveLladro said...

anon - lol, no worries! i love the blog stalkers... i even engage in the practice! glad you commented and offered your 2 cents, i can use all the advice i can get ;~) thanks for the compliment about my cute kid... i honestly believe that God made them so cute for a reason... it has saved him so many times... same for the dog ;~) as for your husband deploying... well now i want to hug you! God bless you for getting ready to do this on your own for a time. i have come to appreciate 'single' mothers in a whole new light and even though you aren't actually a single mom, i am sure it feels like it when he is oversees. how long will he be gone? i would like to commit to praying for him while he is away (if you don't mind ;~)

Anonymous said...

Oh please do..we need all the prayers we can get, this is our first deployment and all though I do have my mother here I don't live with them so it is harder when the hubby is gone. So I feel like that "single" mother. I have grown to have so much respect for single is rough! I had it so hard that my daughter's doctor gave me a number to a social worker so if I needed to call I could. My husband is a Marine so they only go for 7 months which is a plus. We found out that the issue with our daughter was that we were shaking the formula which gave her gas the container says to stir it, we tried that and batta bing solved the problem. Than we get a new sitter and I completely forget to tell her the "important" piece of information, the first night of her first time with the new sitter she had we knew that was the cause. I pray you find the answer to your gassy baby!