Saturday, July 26, 2008

Becoming Reality

Moving to Hagerstown is becoming more of a reality to me... which is making me more and more nostalgic about leaving my hometown. I've lived in other places (Texas, Spain and Ohio) but this area is really where all my memories are.

Every time I drive by Elizabeth's Landing I think about random childhood memories... hooking the wagon to the stroller so all of my babysitting charges could ride, modeling sessions on the water with Christine, waiting at the bus stop, Tina and I running for the bus and her biting it on a icy hill, chasing Riley around the neighborhood when he got out, hanging out with Beth talking about how much I wanted to marry Kirk Cameron, mom taking prom pictures on our deck, playing with little Leo and Ali on the rocks, mom and Brooke watching me bunny hop my honda learn to drive a stick shift, Robyn betraying me, running through the neighborhood to the adjacent elementary school for the football game to which I was a cheerleader, my paper route, riding my bike countless times around 'the loop', hanging out on the pier on Stoney Creek, fixing my muffler (to which a neighbor ended up aiding me as I was failing miserably), New Kids on the Block posters plastered on my walls, hanging out with Ben, breaking my arm. Seriously, I could go on forever and all of the memories have long involved stories behind them. Ask me about any of them and I would be happy to go into detail!

The same goes for other sights in the area. Weilands, the garage where mom and I used to take our cars. Lauer's Supermarket where I had my first official job. The snowball stand where I worked for a summer. The library to which I always owed money. Sunset Elementary, Geroge Fox Middle, Northeast High and Annapolis Area where I got my world renowned education. Taco Bell where Diana and I ate almost daily for an entire summer. Friendly's where I made great friends and had a blast waitressing. The building where my mom worked as a loan officer (also where I learned what a fax machine was). The Shell station on the corner where I remember filling up for $0.89 a gallon. Again... this could go on forever and each place has at least a hundred memories just sitting there unopened.

I can't imagine a time when these memories won't just come to me. I know I will always have memories... that isn't the problem... it's the memories that I forget about, the ones that are only jogged by sight. In losing my mom I lost a lot of my past. There are things that I just don't know about my life... and moving away from memories that I don't even know I have, makes me wistful. I just want to pull all of my memories together, tie them up and keep them in a plastic bin so whenever I want to remember them, they are there to be found. Unfortunately life doesn't work like that, does it? This is all part of life... we grow up, we move on and we leave things behind... the known and the unknown.

Most of all, it is hard to think about leaving my mom... I see her in a lot of these memories. Smiling at me from whatever situation we were in. I feel like I am leaving a part of her behind as well... I guess in reality, I am.

I know we are doing the right thing... this opportunity is too good to pass up and it really is what's best for our family. I just get a little weepy when I think about leaving ;~) I haven't even discussed the people I am leaving behind... talk about weepy!


KiKi said...

when did you live in Spain?

AmyJean said...

I think your mom will be in any memory you make, in Your home town or Hagerstown. It's very exciting and scary for the move, but I know you three will handle it awesomely... b/c you guys are just that awesome. Especially Chase!!! :)

Michelle said...

I can imagine that this is a very bittersweet time for you. Leaving a place full of memories is hard to do. I still get a little choked up when we go back to our "hometown" and I see the first house that Micah and I owned, it makes me upset that it's not ours anymore.

I'm sure that your mom would be very proud of the decision that you are making for your family. Just a thought, but have you ever considered writing down the memories that you have your mom, that way you can feel as though you have your thoughts tangible? And when Chase gets older I'm sure it would be a treasure for him to have.

LoveLladro said...

kiki - i was a baby... 2 months old to 2.5 years old. my birth father was stationed there (Air Force).

amy - you are right... chase is the most awesome of us G's ;~)

michelle - i can imagine i will feel that way when we come to visit... i expect tears ;~) the idea of writing them down is pretty good... i think it might be boring, at least to anyone else, but at least i would have something ;~)

Vicki said...

Since your hometown is MY hometown, your memories make me tear up! Especially since your mom was a dear friend. But I knew her well enough to know she would be helping you pack for Hagerstown, saying "Get outta here!" :-)