Thursday, September 18, 2008

Making Friends

Either I stink at making friends (which is likely, I will explain later) or people stink at making friends with me (which is also likely... explanation also forthcoming). I have been going to the Little Gym class for a few weeks now and I really enjoy it for Chase's sake. He seems to like crawling around and getting into all that the gym has to offer. The other moms in the class are a nice enough but they seem to have their clique already in full swing and I am definitely the outsider. I have a hard time 'imposing my friendship' (to quote Danielle!) but add the fact that my child is the only one that requires my help... it makes it that more difficult.

Time out - all the other kids are in the 16 - 18 month old range so they are much more self-sufficient when it comes to play time and exercising - Time in.

They do get together for lunch sometimes after gym... to which I was invited on the first day but they hadn't actually done the lunch until this week. I milled around after class trying to be part of the crowd but no one actually asked if I wanted to come with... add to that the fact that I left Chase's stroller at home... I just gave up and left.

So they aren't very welcoming and don't seem to have room for another person... and I am too shy (painfully sometimes if you can believe it) and have too little confidence to do anything more about it. It's as much fun as you think. I am not saying it will never happen... I will be in this class for the next 16 weeks but as of right now... nothing.

We have some plans this weekend with another family so who knows where that will lead us. We also need to work on getting plugged into a church in the area... and we are planning on joining the local Y and taking swim classes... all of which should help in the quest for friendship!

I miss my friends back in Crofton... my neighborhood strolls with Danielle and Anna and my impromptu zoo trips with C and Scooter!

I wish I were 5 again... It was so simple then... you just walked up to someone and asked to be their friend.


So moving the TV out of the house has been going pretty well. Chase and I occupy a lot of our time in the apartment with music... which lends itself to much dancing! We go back and forth between his music and mine... for my sanity ;~)

I have been doing more in the way of actually preparing lunch for him. I made alphabet pasta with veggies three times this week which he has really enjoyed... I end up covering it with a Gerber pureed veggie to make it a little easier to swallow but I feel it was still an accomplishment! I have also been cooking carrots and green beans for him to gnaw on... so far he just kind of waves it around and throws it to the ground... we are working on actually eating it. We have also been making oatmeal with a side of banana/nectarine for breakfast instead of just 2 Gerber fruits. I am thinking about weaning him soon (since he is coming up on his one year birthday!) and I want to be sure he is getting all the vitamins and nutrients he needs if I am not the one supplying them anymore!

I have also been more adventurous with cooking for Adam and I... more adventurous??? Try just starting out on the adventure. I digress... I made a lasagna for dinner last night and it was fantastic! It took me over 4 hours to prepare (start to finish) but that was because 1. it was a 'from scratch' recipe... note to self, read the directions thoroughly before you commit to buying all the ingredients, and 2. there was a lapse in the actual preparation because of 'the routine'. In the end it was totally worth it. Adam and Sandy raved about it all night long which made me understand why people cook... it's nice to have your hard work enjoyed! I leave you with a mouth watering picture of my cheesy, bubbly yumminess!


AmyJean said...

That lasagna looks delicious (i'm drooling)... i bet you could bribe some new friends with that dish!!!

Don't worry, you will make friends - sometimes all you need is some more time to fit in... its not you. You are wonderful! Good luck doll! Keep trying!

KaraB said...

1. I'm a new friend, so your theory is crushed.

2. I could have written this, because the same exact situation happens at Claire's class at MyGym. And she's a bit younger, too, so she's not in with the rest of the crowd. And the moms definitely are clique-y.

3. I am so freaking hungry for lasagna right now that I might have to buy the far less appetizing Banquet meal version just to satiate this insane craving, thank you very much.

Rose said...

Your friends miss you, too. You have LOTS of them. And you've made them all very easily. I can't even remember much between us talking that first time and then being inseperable for the next two years.

Anyway, maybe those aren't the friends for you. Maybe they just take a while to warm up. I always feel like I have a hard time making friends, too. I think everyone will hate me. Let go of that and realize that you're amazing and funny and kind, and anyone would be lucky to have you care about them enough to call them a friend.

Paul said...

I've had a hard time out here in San Francisco as well. I think it just gets harder when you get older and people are already all settled in to their lives. I think that's probably even more true in someplace like Hagerstown that's not as transient as San Francisco.

As far as cooking, Again, I had a hard time breathing. First moving the TV, then this. I think I might have a heart attack! Good job. Let me know if you need any recipes.

Matthew and Lynsey said...

Hey, Jessica...I left a comment on your post when you guys first moved inviting you guys to chill with some Fred-neck peeps if you ever wanted to meet new people. I went to school with Diane & am one of the blogs posted on her link list on her blog, too. Don't know if you guys are interested, but our Girls Bible Study meets on Thursday nights & our Young Marrieds Bible Study meets on Sundays evenings. Leave a comment on my blog if your interested, but we're about 30 mins. away in Frederick if you guys are looking to fellowship. Half of us are moms to young ones ourselves. Di has my cell if you ever want to get in touch.

LoveLladro said...

amyjean - not a bad idea! I also make a mean rice krispie treat that I could use as bribery!

kara - 1. you, Laura and In Sung were so sweet and welcoming to me. I didn't have to try... you guys pulled me in. My theory is in tact. 2. at least Chase and Claire have each other... although they should meet. 3. I have the recipe if you have 4 hours!

rose - you are just the sweetest! thank you!!! as for when we first met... you had that photo of ryan (ick) in uniform and I attached myself to you because I was dating Mike at the time (ick)... you didn't have a chance to get away from me ;~)

dad - I think you hit the nail on the head. I think it's an age thing. And these girls have roots and history here... they all went to school with their sisters best friend who dated so and so until the big break up that they all still talk about. I thought I might shock you with the cooking... it's a weird world out here in Hagerstown! I cook and don't watch much TV... cue twilight music.

lynsey - I am so sorry I never responded... I do remember you commenting a few posts ago... It did slip my mind that you offered your bible study (I am either right on or totally forgetful, there is no middle ground!). I will come to your page to comment ~

chocolate hug said...

I know how you feel about the mommys....Sam started music class just this week....I could tell most of the mothers were feeling kind of awkward and as a result didn't really try to get to know anyone else, so me and my big mouth just introduced myself! I've discovered that most people just don't know how to be friendly to "the new person" or how to include an "outsider". Be patient, hopefully they'll come around!

I'm glad that you posted about giving Chase's something I fail miserably at with Sam. He eats plenty of fruit, but I just keep putting off the veggies...I know I know, it's going to get harder and harder...your note on the subject was encouraging. I must have a firmer resolve!

And about the Lasagna, I do A LOT of cooking, and the recipes that I prepare the fastest are always meals that I've made before. You'll be pleased at how fast the prep will go the next time you try the Lasagna!


p.s. If you lived nearer Sam and I would totally hang out with you and Chase!

kathi said...

I understand 100% about the shyness, lived with it all my life and it hasn't gotten any better...or easier to deal with.

Good job on the cooking, proud of you!