Birthday

Dear Mom

It's your birthday... 59th to be exact. Lord, you would have killed me if I told anyone that while you were alive. I have fond memories of your birthday cakes always reading "Happy 27 + Birthday".

Your last year in your 50's. I wonder what you would be doing. I guess that depends on if you were healthy or not. Let's say healthy... we spent too much time with the 'not'. You would probably have still be working as a docent at a museum. I think you really liked that when you were able to do it. Maybe you would be a massage therapist... I know I would be a willing practice dummy. You would definitely be swing dancing with dad, of that I am positive. Maybe you would have taken a fashion course... or an art course... or studied to be a therapist. You had so many interests... just no real way to complete any of them because you always ended up sick. Cancer sucks that way. Doesn't just kill you, it robs you of life.

I digress.

I think you would like so many things that are going on in my life now.

You always wished for 'hard times' for Adam and I... to build a stronger foundation and life for us. I hardly think this is what you had in mind... actually I am pretty sure you meant financially but regardless we've had both. Adam is doing very well... happy and working hard at his own firm. I think we all could have seen that coming ;~) He's still sober and going strong at almost 14 years. You would be so proud, I know I am. He's still as patient and kind as always... and he puts up with my crazy. Something I am eternally grateful for ;~)

Chase is amazing. Man would you ever be proud. He is as smart as a whip! He questions everything and needs an explanation for everything else. If ever I need him to do something he doesn't want to do, generally explaining why and my reasoning will work and he will do it. I am learning to keep my cool (slow process) with him and talk him through frustrations and fits... and it works so much better. I am also learning to pick my battles with him... which is a battle for me ;~) I think I am becoming a better mom each day. Oh and the talking.... dear Lord the talking. You always said you "hope I would be 'blessed' with a child who talked as much as I did"... yeah, well you got that wish like ten times over. He is a constant chatterbox... which most of the time is great and we have this real friendship going. But other times... when I just want quiet.... well now I know why you and I used to have 'talking breaks'. Makes total sense now.

And now Lil Bean... another boy! Can you believe it? Who would have thought we would have boys! Luckily Sandy is well versed in all things boy... although I am dreading the day that Chase decides he is no longer terrified of bugs and instead wants to show me each and every single one. Up close and personal... I am shivering just thinking about it. Lil Bean is moving strong in there... seriously he doesn't sit still very often. I think I am in for it when he comes to meet us. I wonder what I was like when you were pregnant... was I more still like Chase or did I move a lot like Lil Bean.

Oh, you might be happy to know that Sandy and I are in the midst of a "North and South: the miniseries" marathon. I have memories of you watching that show (and me thinking it was completely lame)... which would fit with your taste in TV. Well that and the fact that every woman was watching because of Orry and George ;~)

I am learning a lot as time goes on. Now that the nesting instinct has hit me, Adam and I are going through every item we own. That being said, I am selling a lot of your books to a local used bookstore. Whatever they don't take will be donated. I hemmed and hawed over this for a long time... and these books have been with us for several moves (much to the chagrin of the people helping us move). But this time... through this sweep through of our stuff I decided that even if there were sentimental attachment... even if there were stories behind the books and reasons you kept them, I would never know. No one is here to tell me why you kept certain books and if I don't have that... well then I just own a lot of paper. So I kept what had significance to me and everything else is going. Not that it's all your stuff... I am giving away a crapton of books that I have collected over the years. Stupid wasteful buying of books. Did you know they have big buildings with all sorts of books that they just loan you... with nothing more than the promise of bringing them back??? Revolutionary. Oh and to that end... I actually remember to return books now! No more having to face librarians and explain why I couldn't return a book (or 8) on time and then having to beg that they reduce my library late charges. Good times.

I also just went through and threw out bottles of perfume that were yours or that you gave me. Is that insane or what? I had this revelation that just because I throw out a few items, doesn't mean I am erasing all that we had or were. I don't need to hold onto every. single. thing just because you touched it. We are still we... no matter if I have 80,000 items or none.

I reached out to David, Marie and the girls. Crazy right? I think you would be proud since you are the one that taught me about forgiveness. I'm extremely happy I did too. I am in contact with David on a fairly regular basis and do enjoy that piece of history he provides me. Sadly I am not as in touch with Marie and the girls as I thought we would be... but I guess that isn't a bad thing either. I did have to tell her you died... 4 years almost to the day. That was awkward. I think she took it ok but like I said, contact has been pretty sparse since then.

One of the best things I have done as of late was to name you Nonna. Chase has a special name for Sandy and I thought if you were here, you would want one too. So I thought Nonna would be the right fit. Chase knows that Nonna lives in heaven with Jesus... and he also knows that Nonna gave me the china cabinet, the dining room table and the secretary. It makes me really happy to hear him call you that.

I wish you were here... especially today. I found the perfect gift for your birthday! It's a big chunky necklace with bold colors... it would have looked awesome on you.

I wish I could tell you how sorry I was for certain things. We should have done the mother/daughter spa weekend getaway. I don't know why I didn't take you more seriously and book the plane tickets when you brought it up. I am sorry that I didn't really truly believe you when you said you wouldn't be around to meet your grandchildren. I thought you were just overreacting to this bout of sickness and that of course you would meet them... you just had to hold on a little longer. I'm sorry I didn't help more in the final months. I was right there and should have spent more time with you but I didn't. I am so sorry for that.

It's hard to believe that almost 6 years has gone by. It's this weird phenomenon of you moving into my history... not just my recent past.

I miss you a lot and while I hope I have many more years here on earth, I look forward to seeing you once again.

Jessi

We lost our Focus

This actually happened on the Thursday before Great Grandpa Paul's visit but I didn't want to spoil that fun post with this insanity ;~)

Thursday afternoon Adam called me saying I needed to come pick him up immediately... he was in the middle of the road with a dead car.

Awesome.

I grabbed the boy and off we went. By the time we arrived a kind stranger had helped Adam push the car into a parking lot and Adam had secured their permission to leave it temporarily. After some calling tow trucks and grabbing a pizza, we came back to watch the joy that is your car being put on a tow truck.

Seriously, I have experienced this too many times. Right Jaime and Adam?

Adam made a comment about getting it fixed quickly and for around $500... I only prayed that was the case but in my heart I knew differently.

Sure enough, Friday afternoon, while we are sitting with Great Grandpa Paul, Adam breaks the news he got from the mechanic.

Far... far... far more than our original hope. The car sprung a massive oil leak and the engine had locked up. Turns out those red lights mean something. Basically it would be pure insanity to fix a Ford Focus for that price.

Talk about timing.

I just remember telling myself not to freak out. I kept telling myself (sometimes audibly and sometimes in my head) that in a year this would just be a blip in our life. We will have pushed past it and would probably be stronger for it... so don't flip out now.

And I did a pretty good job (if I do say so myself ;~) I've come a long way baby.

So that's where we are.

Unfortunately it's tied to a lien for Adam's business so the decision of what to do isn't ours alone... something that makes me so very sad. We refuse to add another car payment to our already razor thin (especially now) budget. We have lots of 'if this, than that' situations but lucky for us, we have lots of cars in this family and we still have 2 to drive at all times. We have time to work it all out and decide on our best option.

In a weird sort of way, this will be good for us. Adam joked that we "lost our Focus, both literally and figuratively"... and he is absolutely right. We tend to go through these peaks and valleys when it comes to financial freedom. Sometimes we are so tight and on our game when it comes to finances... paying down and not spending.

And then we generally slip. A purchase here... an unnecessary expense here... and soon we are stopping at Starbucks far too often and spending money that we shouldn't for stuff that we didn't really need. It's a cycle with us.

Please know that I am not chastising anyone for the money they spend, Starbucks or otherwise. I am only talking about our slippery slope.

So lately we've been on that slope... and by on it I mean careening down it full steam ahead.

So really, losing the Focus will be good for us. We've been forced to make decisions and revamp our budget. We are looking at the bigger broader picture and how we can achieve more of our goals instead of just coasting through.

We have some monumental challenges but I think with little more figurative focus (and a lot less literal Focus), we'll meet them. Life is all about the ups and downs and how you handle them right?

breathe Jessica, breathe.

House guest

This past weekend we had Chase's Great Grandpa Paul (my dad's dad) visit us from Long Island NY.

He brought Chase some new puzzles which Chase LOVED ;~)

On Saturday we went to Fairplay Days where they had a playground, yard sales, jousting and a bounce house. Yep, you read correctly... jousting. Very weird to see in the 21st century but they aren't knocking each other off, just riding and aiming at rings. We left before the action really started so I don't think we got the full effect.

Chase was a huge fan of the playground...

as was Adam ;~)

That night we had a great dinner out at the Longhorn complete with my in laws... I love when family comes together ;~)

At the yard sale Great Grandpa Paul had picked up the game Phase 10. Apparently this is the coolest game ever, I can't believe I had never played it!

(He's way too happy for the cards that he was holding ;~)

And the winning hand...

belonged to yours truly. That might have something to do with why I loved the game so much ;~) GGP left the game for us... I am just looking for an excuse to play it again... anyone... anyone??

I was in desperate need of a belly shot for Lil Bean's belly book so I made sure to get one with our guest ;~)

Pretty cool that my kids get a great grandpa ;~)

Chase at 2 years old and GGP at 78. Love it! Thanks for visiting us... we'll have you back whenever you want!

Lil Bean

I can't believe how quickly this pregnancy is going. I'm 28 weeks already... that hardly seems possible.

Chase is very excited and as far as he can possibly understand, I think he really does. I don't think any of us really have a clue about how things will change but regardless, we are SUPER excited.

I've already bought a few new outfits for Lil Bean. Even though they will only be (most likely) a few days apart, I still wanted him to have some new clothes... they can't ALL be hand me downs ;~)

I should change Lil Bean's moniker to Soccer Stud. The boy wiggles, kicks, moves and punches like a champ in there. All of it is totally welcome though. There was a span of a few days where I didn't feel him very much and it scared me to the core of my being. Thankfully he ramped up again and he's back to his old antics.

Speaking of which, at my last doctor's appointment the midwife put the fetal heart Doppler on my stomach and a few seconds after hearing the beautiful fast beating we hear this 'thump'... then again a few seconds later... Lil Bean was kicking the heart monitor! He continued to do that until she pulled it off my belly. I got the biggest kick out of that. Chase was active but usually at certain times and when I ate certain foods but this kid... he's active all the time... there is no rhyme or reason. Someone told me he's going to hit the ground running and I tend to believe them.

I can't wait to meet him... well, really I can. Please stay in there at least until mid-Oct Lil Bean! But you know what I mean... I can't wait to see what he looks like. I can't wait to watch his personality develop. I can't wait to see the interaction between him and Chase. I am looking forward to doing this for the second time and hopefully not feeling so lost.

For now though... I am perfectly content growing him big and strong in my belly.

And Chase is perfectly fine using him as a pillow.

Happy Birthday!!

Ha Ha Ha Adam! Now you are as old as me... well at least for the next 3 weeks ;~)

Happy Birthday to the best husband I could have ever asked for.

Thank you for being the dad that I always wanted for my kids.

Thank you for never failing to make me laugh.

Thank you for having a serious side and being the awesome lawyer that you are. Thank you for providing for Chase, Lil Bean and I. Thank you for giving me the career that I have always wanted.

Seriously... never failing to make me laugh.

Thank you for balancing me. Thank you for encouraging me with all my many (many) interests. Thank you for standing behind me, in front of me and beside me... all at the same time. Thank you for understanding me. Thank you for loving me.

I love you.

Hot Air Balloon Festival

Last Saturday we spent almost the entire day at the Hot Air Balloon Festival... it was that fun!

Clearly this is going to be a picture heavy post... so I am sorry about that right now ;~)

Chase got his first ever face painting. He sat perfectly still... so much so that she remarked how good he was. (proud mommy moment)

His sparkly hot pink hot air balloon design... picked it out himself!

This is destined to become Chase's album cover art for his first CD... mark my words.

Barrel rides were the highlight for Chase... he did this at least 3 or 4 times.

This was after his first ride... he went completely solo. I stood back and cried a little.

Clearly enjoying the bounce house!

He's become such a pro...

that I don't even flinch when I see this...

unlike a certain Bamma I know ;~)

What festival is complete without every fried food known to man. We started with corn dogs and funnel cake for lunch. Then later that night we had french fried sweet potatoes, fried pickles and fried oreos... each one better than the last!

Another highlight was seeing the helicopter take off and land up close and personal.

After a quick ride home, some nutritious food and a nap... we picked up the grandparents and headed back!

Enjoying the horse drawn carriage ride.

More bounce house obstacle course. I can't even believe he is doing this unassisted!

Family shot as the balloons start their lift off.

Daddy and Chase sneaking up to the balloon for a closer look ;~)

Watching, in complete amazement, the balloons lifting off.

He was mesmerized.

Cool shot of them firing up the balloon just before lift off.

It was such a great day so of course it called for a video ;~)

Train them up well...

Hot summer days

have definitely led to a lot more time spent indoors. I'm not complaining all that much as I am not the most outdoorsy person in the world.

I can hear some people stifling laughs over that statement.

Regardless it would be nice to get out more than we have... just to a park or even Greenbrier but it's just been too hot.

So we entertain ourselves in other ways.

One day we spent an entire morning doing several different kinds of painting.

First...

Color Wonder Fingerpaints. Huge hit with Chase and I liked it a lot too. The finger paint is clear until it hits the special paper... which is nice for his little fingers and my everything else.

Oh and vinyl tablecloth... best $8 I've spent in a while. Set up and clean up are SO much easier!

Then...

we moved onto Do a Dot Art which was equally as enjoyable. I may have liked this one a tad more but Chase definitely got into creating.

Then...

onto some good ole fashioned paint brush and paint. Probably by far Chase's favorite.... and most messy... I think there is a connection.

We love driving through the...

It's a one lane underpass where you must honk as you go through in order to let drivers on the other side know that they need to wait. It's quite the Hagerstown treasure... as you can see ;~)

So long craft room...

Hello play room!

A few weeks ago I casually mentioned to Adam that I thought it might be in our best interest to convert the craft room into a play room... you know, think it through, plan it out, schedule a time and execute said idea.

In less than 24 hours it was converted.



So far it's been awesome. We spend WAY more time back there now. When it was my craft room I rarely (and by rarely I mean never) went back there. If I ever did crafts, I brought everything out to the living room and crafted on my coffee table. Now that it's Chase's play room, we go back there on a regular basis. I can even leave the door open and he comes and goes as he pleases. Another big bonus... I don't feel as if I am living in Romper Room anymore! We still have a few toys out here but it's not nearly as overwhelming... and it's much easier to clean up at the end of the night. Oh and another bonus... I moved all my craft supplies out to the dining room area (cleverly hidden) and now I am doing WAY more crafts than before.

Score one for the nesting instinct!

Once the play room was complete we realized the walls were kind of bare... and holely... it was a quite an eyesore. I started thinking about a project that I had intended for Chase's room.... the alphabet on his walls... and figured that it would be much better in the playroom. So I used some fun paper and a solid background and ended up with a really awesome set of letters...

Ones that I didn't just want to tape to a wall only to be ruined when they had to come down (welcome to the life of renters). So I looked into having them laminated... and quickly figured out that it was too much $$. So my beautiful letters just sat... unused and unhung.

Until Adam unleashed some horrible Catholic school memories. He was cruelly forced to cover all his paperback books with contact paper... very similar to the overpriced laminate I had used in previous projects. He kept having flashbacks of having an entire roll... not just the piddly one yard in each package that I normally bought. He was very traumatized by being forced to do this but many years later it comes in handy because it would be perfect for this project. I was skeptical but we went looking... and found it! A ginormous roll of acid free contact paper for $8.... score!

Very soon I had this hanging in Chase's new playroom...

I was thrilled with the outcome and quickly realized I needed the numbers for the other wall...

A few days later I had this up in his playroom. Now the walls are colorful, educational and hiding all the horrid nail holes! YAY!

This project has started me on a love affair with contact paper. I keep thinking of the next project where I can use this blessed material. I have a picture cha-choo idea formulating for just over Chase's bed. Stay tuned for that one.

By the way... I think my pregnancy nesting instinct has converted from cleaning and rearranging to crafting and creating. I am juggling so many projects and ideas I had to start a separate to do list just to keep them all straight!

Pool Time

I am still without a computer.  My world is turned upside down.  I hijacked hubby's... alright, he gave it up willingly but he also thinks I am doing Roof Shampoo work here... shhhhhhhhh.

I am more than a little frustrated.  We got a diagnosis from MacMedics that the hard drive was bad in my computer... which sent red flags up all over the place.  Adam had taken out the original hard drive, commonly referred to as "all my information", and attempted to install a new hard drive (fresh out of the box)... with zero success.  Then, not being a dummy at computers, he tested the new hard drive 7 ways from Sunday... seriously... ya'll thought he was geeky before.  It was a whole new level.  That new hard drive worked in every. single. place except my computer.  

So you can imagine when they told Adam failed hard drive, he asked for more diagnostic testing.  Put a hard drive that you know is good into my computer and see if you can get it to work.  They say they did but when we finally bring our computer home and put yet another new hard drive in, stalled and failed to boot.  Computer still broken... in precisely the way they said it was fixed.  An entire week wasted for something Adam knew and tried to explain... not to mention $49 for a crap diagnostic.  

End result... I am still without a computer and I am sad. 

So I thought I would post something happy to lift my spirits.

Last Monday Chase and I took a road trip to Glen Burnie to visit Christine, Andrew and Gabriel.  Her mom's condo has a community pool... which was surprisingly empty from 10 - 12.  More fun for us!


Chase is always practicing to be a big brother... he loves making babies smile!


One 'trick' he learned was holding onto the edge... which he wanted to do 'all by myself'.






Aunt Christine and Andrew (Gabriel stayed home with Pop-Pop ;~)

Another 'trick' Chase learned was actually propelling himself in the water.  Christine had a couple noodles for the boys to play with and Chase immediately fell in love.  He held on for dear life and kicked like he never kicked before... and he actually 'swam' about 2 feet!  At the next pool opportunity I made sure we had our very own noodle and Chase was in heaven.  He swam back and forth and even got the hang of turning himself around... and of course, he didn't want me to hold on at all.  Best $5 spent water wise!

As per usual when we road trip, this was the site in the back of the car on the way home... I will never tire of how cute it is!