Monday, May 14, 2007

Not my highest of highs

Warning right now... I am in a fairly blah mood today.

Mother's day went fine yesterday... Adam and I made dinner for his mom and the fam on Sunday. I got a few Mother's day cards of my own which was pretty cool... one of which husband took a picture of me showing my tummy now and then made it into a silhouette with a huge tummy (of which I am truly looking forward to!) It was really sweet and really cute and best of all, he used his talent and didn't have to spend any money. Gotta love the ingenuity!

I was pretty much ok the whole day until the ride home when it hit me that my mom wasn't here. It's weird... I always know that she isn't here but more times than not, it will just hit me like a ton of bricks. I hate that I have to go through this without her... that I have to celebrate my first Mother's day without her around. I can't even imagine being in the delivery room and holding my newborn without her by my side. Anyway, I lost it on the way home and after crying for a good long time, I passed out. Woke up just in time to get home, unload the Jeep and go to sleep again. I really wanted to just get the day over with. This really used to be my favorite holiday... I am not sure if I still feel the same way.

Then I woke up this morning to find out my oldest (longest running) friend had her baby (on Mother's Day) and it made my heart sink even more because I am pretty sure she doesn't want me around. There is a huge long story behind this but suffice it to say, she is not pleased with some of my actions of which I won't apologize for. She hasn't made a move to keep the friendship going so I am left thinking that this is it... and to know that this great thing is going on and she doesn't want me a part of it... it just really sucks. I just hope that one day she sees why I did the things I did and wants to be my friend but until then, all this time and all the important life events that we miss... it makes me really sad.

So what a great way to begin the week! My apologies for the downer feel of this post but then again, I do have therapy in the title so it can't all be sunshine and roses ;~)

Please pray that my spirits lift a little today... tomorrow is Adam and I's 3rd anniversary and we are treating ourselves to a lovely dinner at the Metropolitan in Annapolis. I would like to snap out of the mood I am in so we can enjoy our time together.


TortfeasorG said...

I surely can't imagine how much mothers day sucks without your own mom.

I cannot wait until dinner tomorrow. Also, I can't believe we've almost got 3 years down!

I love you baby!

kathi said...

I'm so sorry sweetie. I know first hand how hard it is to go through something so important and not have your mom to call or turn to. I'd give anything to have had my mom to share all this past year with and Casey's graduation coming up. But, I know her love exists, death didn't take that away. I believe I've been able to draw on that love to be able to go through what this last year has held and what's coming up.
I'm really sorry for losing your friendship with your long time friend...again, I understand.
All I know is that your heart is so loving and tender, and that you are precious to God. He loves you so much and I'm thankful that He has given you Adam to share your life, and this sweet baby, with.

I hope both you and Adam have a wonderful time tomorrow! Happy anniversary!! Love you very much.