Monday, March 12, 2007

As it turns out...

I made it through all 13 bins of clothing and shoes. It literally took all day because I would get up and walk away every so often but I made it through.

I actually made it through the entire process without crying... not one tear. A feat that amazed me... I actually started to feel guilty that this process wasn't making me more sad... not to worry. As it turns out, I was storing it all up for one massive cryfest.

On the last article of clothing I looked around at the well organized bins... all labeled with their contents and where they are headed... and I just started crying. It was one of those crys that you wonder when it will end... like you aren't actually in control anymore. For a solid half hour I just sat there looking at my moms clothing, sobbing.

All these pieces that she spent years collecting... some I am sure hadn't been washed since she last wore them... pieces of her hair woven into the fabric. It was a pretty crushing experience.

Everyone (sans my husband) has been ragging on me to go through the bins... pick out the ones you want... give the rest away... start the quilt project... just start doing it... and so on and so on. What they don't realize is the extreme pain that is part of the process. Yeah, people get that its "sad" and "it will be hard" but really, unless you have done this... for someone you truly love and cherished... you don't know the heartache... the actual physical, emotional and mental heartache that it takes to go through your lost persons clothing. As I was going through the clothes not crying, I really thought that all these people were right... I was just putting this off for some made up reason... I mean, I was doing fine... making decisions and enjoying seeing her stuff again. But as I suspected, the pain was there and it just decided to hit me all at once. I suspect I was ready since it is done (although I will remind you, I haven't actually given the clothes away yet so it isn't really over) but my fears were validated. It hurt.

I am thinking of a friend who was in NC this weekend going through her mother, father and younger brothers things because they were all killed in a head on collision on Christmas Day. My heart goes out to her and I am praying hard for her. If you feel it in your heart, please lift her up in prayer as well. I know she needs it.

1 comment:

Vicki said...

You know, a lot of people can't even bear to go through a lost loved one's personal items, like clothing. They delegate the job to a trusted friend. That said, I think it's fantastic that you were able (with tears) to do the job. Your mom would be proud!!