30 and heading west

Our going away party was yesterday and it was a blast! It was so nice to see everyone... I just wish I had more time to talk! I felt like I only got quick little snippets! Chase did ok... he was a little upset at the amount of people (not quite the social butterfly yet) but even at his worst, he is still a pleasant baby... and his girlfriend came so that made him smile!

This post will be picture heavy because... well that's what the G's do! Ironically, I am only slightly in one picture! I try to get in more of them but I am the one doing the taking and it never really works out that I get in them!


Possibly my favorite dish that we served... Caprese Salad Kabobs with a pine nut pesto! I could have eaten the whole plate!

The whole spread... it was pretty yummy!

The Townleys and the Bunns!

Laura being the babywhisperer... they just flock to her!

Nick, Rose, Rob and Anna

My food guru Ali and hubby Craig... smart guy for marrying such a good cook. She supplied me with many of the recipes we used!

Jenn and Ethan having some QT with Adam and Chase.

Jaime and Craig... just one more month before Jackson makes his arrival!

Colleen and Jenn... Colleen has about 3 more weeks before Alex makes his arrival!

Sylvia, Ava and Kristen... Unbelievably, Ava is 14 months now... walking everywhere and being incredibly social! And Sylvia has about 2 more months before baby girl Charlie makes her arrival!

Uncle Paco (aka Craig) playing keep away with Chase!

Adam and Zach

Chase is very happy now that his girl Ava is here!

For anyone keeping track... that is 4 babies and 3 pregnant girls at the party! That doesn't even include the babies that couldn't make it.... Scooter was napping (although mommy made it!) and Lily who was out of town with the rents!

I have to say that is what I will miss most about this area... all of these friends/play dates for Chase (and me!). It makes me sad that Chase won't grow up in the thick of all these kids!

Now that the party is over... it's all out packing from here until the 23rd! Wish us luck!

Comments

I figured it would be easier to answer the comments from "Still Battling" in an actual post... just trying to be a space saver ;~)

ch - ergo my dilemma... I know I need to have a consistent routine... I just haven't found one that I feel comfortable with and that I want to commit long term to. Well, at that point I didn't have one... I think that I have devised a sleep plan/routine for Chase and I. I started it 2 days ago and so far so good. I don't count anything a success until it's worked for at least a week ;~)

kara - I agree with you about the weak parenting... it does take strength (that I didn't know I had)... I just don't want to give up too early ;~) I wish Chase slept from 6:30 - 7... he sleeps 7 - 5:30/6... we are working on pushing that morning time back a little!

anon - while I am grateful for your comment, I have to respectfully disagree. I am not sure if you have kids or if you do... if you have bad nappers but a half hour nap is just not enough time for me personally, as a mom, to recharge. I love my son very much but I would be lying if I said I want him next to me day in day out, all day every day. I also believe that 30 minutes isn't enough for my son... hence the quest for more sleep. He does bounce right up like he is ready to go after 30 minutes but so did my husband when his mother used to call him from school... then he would turn right over and go back to sleep. I know faking it and I believe Chase is faking being awake and alert. He is much more irritable, crabby and generally unpleasant to be around when he sleeps for 30 minute increments. Also, he isn't sleeping for 12 hours at night... unfortunately that was a 2 day fluke and since then, he has been getting up anywhere from 5 - 6 each morning, the earliest one day being 4:40. We are working on extending that time frame as well. As for training him to be tired... I don't have to do that... he is already tired all by himself... I am trying to harness the tiredness and get rid of it.

jenn - I believe that there is such thing as a 30 minute napper, I am just not convinced that Chase is one. I believe that Adam and I made a mistake around the 4-5 month mark and missed the window to sleep train him. Don't get me wrong, I am not beating myself up about it (we are all bound to make mistakes, I know that)... I just think that we missed that window and now I have to work harder to get him there. There is something about Chase's demeanor that makes me question his 30 minute napping.

kathi - I love you but I disagree... he is one stubborn little dude (no idea where he got it) and I don't think he will learn unless I teach him.

Whew... that's a lot of comments and that's only half of them! I want to say thank you so much for all the comments... I absolutely love getting all of them and I love the advice that each of you bring. I may not agree or follow it but I do truly appreciate it! This blog, and being so open, has really shown me a sense of community... even with people I haven't met face to face! Thanks again and keep 'em coming!

08.08.08

Not only is 08.08.08 the start of the 2008 Summer Olympics... it is hubby's birthday!

Adam turns the big 2-9 today! We are officially the same age for the next 3 weeks ;~)

Chase waving hi to the camera on 'craft day' at our house... check out the blue foot ;~)

Daddy's present... the reason for the aforementioned blue foot ;~)

Yummy cake!
and to end the day... Adam's favorite meal... WANGS! That would be hot wings and Old Bay wings! So yummy!

Happy Birthday sweetie! Hope you had a great day and I love you very much!

Still battling

I wish someone could tell me if there really is such thing as a 30 minute napper... and if it's healthy or not. On the flip side, if a 30 minute napper is just a result of a weak parent, could someone tell me that? This guessing game has me on a ledge.

Last Weekend for visiting

Next time we come to Hagerstown, we will be moving in! Gack!

Here are a couple recent pictures of Chase...

Enjoying some quality time with Anna Stuart!

I have 16 years to worry about this...

Uncle Jimmy and Aunt Vicki picked up these fantastic shoes for Chase on their vacation through the Adirondacks. I cannot wait to see him walking around in these this winter!
On the way home from the Hagerstown Outlets Chase passed out.

Chase helping tape the spare bedroom for painting.

Ho Hum

The past few days have been kind of status quo. I am here and I am plugging along but my head is somewhat in a fog... one that I can't shake.

Chase is doing well with the night sleeping. He goes down at 7 and is up at 6... I wish he would sleep until 7, or at least 6:30 but we are still tweaking the bed time to try to figure that out. The day napping is still as troublesome as ever. On Sunday he slept for an hour and half... solid... no waking. We chalked it up to a fluke. Then he slept for an hour and I actually had to wake him as not to interfere with bed time. Ok, 2 flukes in one day... my hopes rise... maybe we have turned a corner. Monday... first nap - 35 min. second nap - 40 min. third nap (necessary when sleeping this little) - 0. I want to pull my hair out. I flip flop daily on whether this is ok or not... does he need more sleep? Maybe he is just a short napper ('snapper' as Marc Weissbluth puts it). This is fine, I can handle a snapper. Gack, I need him to sleep longer. More times than not, I get frustrated with him for not napping longer when he is clearly tired... which frustration towards a 9 month old is completely and absolutely fruitless. It only makes me feel like a crappy mom and low down human being. I then convince myself that he just doesn't need the sleep and I become cheerful bouncy mom doing her best to make it work... and it does for a time. Until the day comes (oddly enough, it seems to be every 3rd day) when I. just. need. a. break. I wish, pray, will, beg, bribe him to stay down longer than 30 minutes to no avail. Then back to square one... frustration, crappy mom, convince, bouncy, 3rd day. Vicious cycle.

I am going to try another book... I am just waiting for our library to get it from another branch... spending extra $$ isn't really in the budget right now. My sanity or a gallon of gas... the gas wins out. Hopefully this book will have some insight into the napping situation.

Speaking of the budget... God really knew what he was doing when he put the decision to move before us. This is the last month that we could have stayed here without going into extreme debt. Moving to Hagerstown really will save us from financial disaster (well further financial disaster ;~) A few months ago I was chatting with my dad about Adam and I's finances (he tends to be our guru ;~) and I kind of let it slip out that they only reason I am able to stay home is because mom died. Not that my dad wasn't aware of this but I never really vocalized it before. It seems so strange that I get to have my dream of being a SAHM because my mom died. I mean, I don't really know how life would have gone if she was alive but for present day hindsight... her death afforded me this opportunity. Not that I wouldn't trade being a SAHM for my mother back... I would in a heartbeat but just seeing some of God's great plan... no matter how sad, wows me. It reminds me how small I truly am. This isn't the only instance either... when Adam and I got married I was supposed to move to IN with him for his final year of law school. When it came time, we decided that I should stay home and keep my job so we had steady income. With that plan, I would be moving back into my parents home (something I am apparently proficient at ;~) That was in Aug 2004. My mom died in Nov 2004. Had I moved I would have 1. missed out on those 3-4 months and 2. missed being with her that Sat as she entered the hospital. I hated living apart from Adam but I am damn sure I would have hated missing that time more and for the rest of my life. God's plan for us amazed me then and it amazes me now. I truly can't wait to see what is in store for the future.

Andrew's Baptism!

Today was my godson Andrew's baptism! It was such a great time to see everyone come out in celebration... he is so loved it's ridiculous ;~) C fixing Andrew's tuxedo!

C and I

The happy family! Parenthood looks good on these 2!

This is Andrew through the baptism (water), the oil on the head and the draping of the cloth. Sacked out the entire time!

Becoming Reality

Moving to Hagerstown is becoming more of a reality to me... which is making me more and more nostalgic about leaving my hometown. I've lived in other places (Texas, Spain and Ohio) but this area is really where all my memories are.

Every time I drive by Elizabeth's Landing I think about random childhood memories... hooking the wagon to the stroller so all of my babysitting charges could ride, modeling sessions on the water with Christine, waiting at the bus stop, Tina and I running for the bus and her biting it on a icy hill, chasing Riley around the neighborhood when he got out, hanging out with Beth talking about how much I wanted to marry Kirk Cameron, mom taking prom pictures on our deck, playing with little Leo and Ali on the rocks, mom and Brooke watching me bunny hop my honda learn to drive a stick shift, Robyn betraying me, running through the neighborhood to the adjacent elementary school for the football game to which I was a cheerleader, my paper route, riding my bike countless times around 'the loop', hanging out on the pier on Stoney Creek, fixing my muffler (to which a neighbor ended up aiding me as I was failing miserably), New Kids on the Block posters plastered on my walls, hanging out with Ben, breaking my arm. Seriously, I could go on forever and all of the memories have long involved stories behind them. Ask me about any of them and I would be happy to go into detail!

The same goes for other sights in the area. Weilands, the garage where mom and I used to take our cars. Lauer's Supermarket where I had my first official job. The snowball stand where I worked for a summer. The library to which I always owed money. Sunset Elementary, Geroge Fox Middle, Northeast High and Annapolis Area where I got my world renowned education. Taco Bell where Diana and I ate almost daily for an entire summer. Friendly's where I made great friends and had a blast waitressing. The building where my mom worked as a loan officer (also where I learned what a fax machine was). The Shell station on the corner where I remember filling up for $0.89 a gallon. Again... this could go on forever and each place has at least a hundred memories just sitting there unopened.

I can't imagine a time when these memories won't just come to me. I know I will always have memories... that isn't the problem... it's the memories that I forget about, the ones that are only jogged by sight. In losing my mom I lost a lot of my past. There are things that I just don't know about my life... and moving away from memories that I don't even know I have, makes me wistful. I just want to pull all of my memories together, tie them up and keep them in a plastic bin so whenever I want to remember them, they are there to be found. Unfortunately life doesn't work like that, does it? This is all part of life... we grow up, we move on and we leave things behind... the known and the unknown.

Most of all, it is hard to think about leaving my mom... I see her in a lot of these memories. Smiling at me from whatever situation we were in. I feel like I am leaving a part of her behind as well... I guess in reality, I am.

I know we are doing the right thing... this opportunity is too good to pass up and it really is what's best for our family. I just get a little weepy when I think about leaving ;~) I haven't even discussed the people I am leaving behind... talk about weepy!

5 unspectacular quirks

1. I wear my mother's wedding set on my right hand.

2. I anthropomorphize a variety of different things. A good example of this is in a grocery store, if I see an item out of place... away from it's pack, I will take the time to put it back. I also cannot, I mean CANNOT leave one item on a shelf. If I am there to buy 3 bottles of apple juice and there are 4 left, I will buy all 4 so the one is not alone. Ironically, I was asked by a therapist if I did this and I answered no because I didn't want him to think I was crazy!

3. I eat icing straight from the tub. Rainbow chip is the best but I have been on a milk chocolate kick lately.

4. I like to have consistency and 'sameness' in my life. I would like for all our glasses to be the same... or all the boxes we are using to pack to be the same... or all the plastic bins to be the same... you get the idea. It drives me crazy that they are different but I deal with it because beggars can't be choosers. One exception... I LOVE our mug collection, all different and very eclectic.

5. I carry the change purse my mother used to carry... it still has her license, credit cards and voter card. It also has a $50 bill that I refuse to spend. I can't explain it but I will never spend it.


There, I did it! I am supposed to tag people here but I don't want to call anyone out specifically. If you want to do this, go for it... just let me know so I can check it out!

Wipeout

I highly recommend this show to anyone. Especially if you have had a hard day but really, everyone should watch it. We laugh the entire way through... not only are the challenges fun to watch, the commentary is great.

Here's a little taste:

My mouth shut

Tonight was Jaime's baby shower!! I haven't been able to post about it because Jaime is one of my loyal readers and it was supposed to be a surprise. Yes, I did say 'supposed to be'... I have the video to prove that it was not a surprise. Let's just say that Jaime did not miss a career in acting!

Surprise or not, the party was fantastic. Michelle (Jaime's big sister) did a great job planning the party cross country (she's a Cali girl!). Jaime and Craig are ready to welcome Jackson... although they may need to build an addition for all the presents! The food was great and the games were fun... there was tasting of baby food... ick!

Heather hosted the party and also happens to be due 3 days before Jaime. Here I am with Heather and Siena Katherine and Jaime and Jackson Shepard... lots of people for one picture! At the end of the party once everyone left Jaime's mom let me in on a secret... Michelle is pregnant too! I almost cried I was so happy! She is about 12 weeks along and already glowing! Congrats Michelle and Colin.... you're going to make wonderful parents!

First Big Boy Toy

Introducing Chase and his first real 'boy' toy... meet Dozer!



Dozer has a handle on the back so Chase can practice rolling... his bucket moves up and down to plow through any toys that may be in the way... he makes noise when he starts off and moves forward... he has also given mommy the ability to silence the noise (thank you toy company!)... he has a seat and a steering wheel that turns the wheels for riding... he even has a storage area under the seat for Chase's wallet, ipod, camera, cell phone and bluetooth... well he is our kid, of course he would have all the gadgets!

I didn't realize it when I bought it but this is Chase's first boy specific toy... not that girls aren't welcome to play on it (Chase says 'Come on over ladies...') but as far as gender stereotyping with toys... this the first one! Maybe we should get him a barbie to even it out ;~)

Packing

Adam and I are going through each room and figuring out what we need to bring, what can be stored and what can be given away... which with a baby goes much slower than usual. So we have had a pile of clothes 'to be stored' sitting on our floor for a week or so. Yesterday I went through each piece, folded it and got it ready to be packed away.

I walked into our room this morning to find this...

First Barfight

In reality it was an unfortunate run in with a board book but barfight sounds way cooler! I think this marks the first 'official' boo boo.

11.5 hours

Chase slept for 11.5 hours last night! There was one cry out at 5 but when I went in (very quietly) I found him still sleeping. Cue mommy to leave and catch a few more zzz's!

We are thrilled with the new sleeping habits at night! Tonight I put him down completely awake and only got a slight cry of protest. It is almost unreal how well his nights have been going.

Enter morning nap #1... he slept for 16 minutes. Unfortunately the naps have only been getting worse since we started this routine. 50, 30, 35, 24, 31 20... you get the idea. I am holding on to hope (by a thin thin thread) that once we have been in the routine for a few nights the naps will improve. Even with the nights going well, I really believe he needs to be sleeping more during the day. I actually need him to sleep more during the day so I can recharge while he does... if not, I ended up feeling way too exhausted at the end of the day.

I also want to say thank you to everyone who posted comments and advice! It felt great to know that you cared so much!

Aren't I

just the everyday poster now!

I guess that is what happens when you have your evenings free again! So update on the sleeping situation. Napping today was nothing short of a miracle and devastating... how is that for over dramatic!

Unbelievably when we put Chase down for his morning nap, he protested all of 8 minutes before complete silence. 8 minutes! Never in my wildest dreams did I think that would happen. My joy was cut short by him waking after only sleeping 36 minutes... we let him cry another 30 minutes in the hopes that he would cry himself back to sleep. He would have none of that. So up we got... with surprisingly a much happier baby. We played, we laughed, we joked, we were a family... then a little less than 2 hours later, little man went down for nap #2. Another 8 minutes and he was out. Oh my heart sings with joy! 30 minutes later, he is awake and crying. We test him with an hour of crying since we know he must still be tired... nope not having it. He wants up!

I want to stop here and explain why I think he must still be tired so people don't think I am imposing my preconceived notion of sleeping on his schedule. I gauge how well or long Chase has slept by his ability to wake up happy. Back in the days of good sleeping Adam and I could count on our baby waking us up at 7 every morning by cooing and talking to himself. I could count on little man cooing and talking once he got up from a healthy 2+ hour nap... if I could get him to take the nap in the first place! So... this waking up crying and upset just leads me to believe he is still not at the optimum sleep for him personally... however, we are on the right track!

We attempted a late afternoon nap but by this time I think he was so overtired from poor naps during the day that he literally cried the whole hour. We decided to forgo that nap and just shoot for a decent early bed time.

Score one for mommy and daddy! I put Chase in his crib at 7 in a semi awake state and he proceeded to whimper for the next 45 minutes... you can't even imagine how pathetic it sounded! When finally, silence! ONLY 45 MINUTES!!! I am so happy I could burst. I won't though because I am still tired. I apparently don't bounce back from lack of sleep like my little one does! I need a couple more good nights of sleep! I am so old!

I'm a believer!

So our night time routine started at 6pm last night. Bath, stories, nursing and then asleep by 7:20... or so we thought. It started with whimpering (so pathetically sad ;~) and escalated into full out screaming. I kid you now when I say you could hear the anger at us in his cries. According to Doc Weissbluth, once we put him down for the night, that was it. He cries until he falls asleep. Uhhh, torture much? However, since we (hubby and I) had a plan this time it was easier to stick to it and wait out the screaming. It took 1 hour and 40 minutes but eventually he calmed down and fell asleep. Now I didn't enjoy listening to that sound for as long as I did but I DID enjoy the silence once he was done.

As we were laying down we were preparing for what we would do if and what time Chase woke up during the night... before 3 - don't even go in, let him fall back asleep on his own. after 3 - diaper change and nurse back to sleep. The next thing I know, it's 5 and I am awake for no other reason then I am hard wired right now to be up then... Chase however, is still sound asleep. I am almost so giddy I wake Adam up... I said almost, I am not stupid enough to wake him up before I have to! I fall back asleep and wake up again at 6. Again, I am not waking up because of Chase, just because I have been getting up at that time for the past few weeks! I quietly read for the next 45 minutes all the while being completely amazed that Chase is still asleep. At 6:45 he did wake up crying which isn't the goal but for the first night, pretty darn amazing.

So I think there are a few key factors here...

1. I thought all things baby would come naturally to me. Not so much. I know that only Adam and I know how to raise Chase but there are some good opinions out there that should be listened to as well! I am starting to realize I am not the baby guru I thought I was! I am learning that I do need to read up on these type of things so I know all the options. My next goal is to read up on feeding babies!

2. Just because I don't like the process doesn't mean it isn't necessary. We tried other methods to get Chase to sleep well... including begging and pleading... all of which availed us nothing. It hurt to listen to him and I almost caved because of my frustration, saddness and headache but Adam helped me stay strong and we made it. Not only did we get a great pay off that very night, we just laid him down for his morning nap and he cried/whimpered for no more than 8 minutes before complete quiet. Talk about immediate gratification.

3. Adam and I are on the same page. This could perhaps be the absolute most important key of all. Before we were both filled with uncertainty about how we were handling things and with that uncertainty came our own ideas about how to handle specific situations. Complete lack of communication really. This time I read the book and picked out the key parts that related to our current situation... I highlighted them for Adam and he read up on it (he pretended it was a really long internet article!). Now we both have a game plan... the same game plan. This in turn makes it easier for me to let Adam be a daddy and put him down for naps..

4. For so long we were concerned about Chase's reflux and gas that we just assumed that they just persisted past the usual timing... what had actually happened was Chase's issues morphed into sleeping problems and we just didn't recognize the change. For all this time we have been trying to treat a problem that didn't exist while missing the problem that was there. YAY for parental mistakes! It's not the first and I am positive it won't be the last.

Now for the saddest image ever... poor thing is SO sleepy!

We really are still in the training part of this process so I don't want to think that we have licked this problem yet but we are definitely on the right path! Thanks to Kare Kare for her Dateline watching!

Argh

For anyone that finds this particular line of posting boring, please tune out for a time. I feel compelled to blog about this process because... well see the title of this blog.

Last night was horrible. I don't mean 'it was like he was a newborn again' or 'he was up a lot'... I mean Chase hit a whole new spectrum of trying our patience. He went down at 8:30ish (which yes, is too late... I already learned that from HSHHC. We will try to start correcting that tonight ;~) He first woke at 1... husband took care of paci duty and he went back to sleep. Up at 3... ok fine, I will do what I always do and try to get some more shut eye (all the while planning to speed read the book so I can start doing something different!) Yeah, Chase was not having the old routine. He was up with a vengeance. I stood at the crib for a 1/2 hour attempting to lull him back to sleep. Then went back to our room so he would cry and tire himself out. 15 minute later, he is no more tired than a hopped up caffeine addict. So I pull him out of the crib and rock him. EVENTUALLY he falls asleep (mind you I fell asleep countless times!) and when I go to move... pop, eyes wide open. Yeah, even the fail safes aren't working anymore. So I had it, I physically could not hold him anymore so on his tummy he went and as predicted, he cried as I walked away (about 4:30 by now)... he cried until 5 when he kind of fell asleep. From 5 until 6 he made a couple noises but managed to stay down. Enter 6:17 when full on wailing starts. This was the mother of all cries but I had already decided that I would NOT get him until the alarm went off at 7. So for 43 minutes Adam and I laid there pretending we were sleeping (half pretending, half passing out) until that alarm went off.

As you can guess we had a half smiley, half irritable baby. We went about the normal routine... nurse, play, solids and then back down. I opted for a little earlier than 9 (theoretically 2 hours after awake) since he was obviously sleepy and oh yeah, had screamed for 45 minutes before getting out of bed. Well my little persistent gem proceeded to scream for at least 45 minutes straight... then it went to a whimper... then for a solid 15 minutes I thought during each minute, this is it... he fell asleep... only to hear another cry. After the hour of crying (which HSHHC says should be the max) I went in, put the paci in and stood there pretending to sleep on the side of the crib. After a few minutes he seemed to get more and more insistent towards me (uhh, manipulation much?) so I thought I better leave before this gets too out of hand. I leave, he cries... for about 15 minutes and you know what... he is sleeping now. Like eyes closed, no noise sleeping. Who knows how long it will last.... I have learned not to get my hopes up but at least for right now, it is silent (except for the continuous stream of lullaby songs in the background ;~)

My sincere hope is that tonight we will work on an earlier bed time and that will over time help with the night wakings and short naps. Prayers said, fingers crossed, salt over the shoulder, avoiding black cats, rubbing the rabbits foot, a frog in the house and any other form of good luck I can come up with.

Update

First and foremost... Wow. I have some of the greatest friends and family (and blog stalkers!). Thanks to everyone who posted, called or emailed me. All of your words of encouragement and advice was welcome and appreciated!

I left out a few key pieces of info when it comes to Chase's sleeping issues. I think it is a combo of gas problems and sleep training. I know my kid is gassy but I think if he were sleep trained a little better he might be able to get through the light sleep stages without waking.

When it comes to treating the gas problem, here are a few things we have tried... Mylicon (does absolutely nothing for him), gripe water... 3 different kinds; Little Tummy's, Baby's Bliss and Wellements (held promise to soothe him but does nothing... and don't let those prices fool you, they are a LOT more expensive in the stores!), I went completely off dairy for 3 weeks (no change in Chase), holding him upright for 30 minutes after being nursed or eating (doesn't matter, he still burps) and moving feeding times (nursing and solid food) around so it isn't so close to sleeping (didn't matter). We used to do leg exercises to help relieve him but now that he is stronger, it's pretty much impossible. Plus he basically does the exercise himself with all the crawling and standing he does.

There is a possibility it could be my diet. Maybe the foods I eat don't agree with him... that would explain the problem of gas persisting from day one. We are thinking about switching to formula to see if that makes a difference but have hesitated because of the cost. I know, I know, don't worry about the money. Easy for you to say ;~) No seriously, if that were the problem, we would switch in a heartbeat and suck it up. We just don't know if that is the cure and making a leap like that without some real evidence is hard. Keep in mind, we are moving back in with Adam's parents... that should give you some indication of the financial ;~) We are trying a few more things before we make the jump. Ironic considering this post but that was a one time thing and this is at least for the next 4 months!

Any time I google sleep issues, the name Marc Weissbluth comes up... Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. Well right there in his title... I want both those things. Also, just before I posted about having all these troubles, Kare Kare at Adam's office saw a Dateline special about this guy and his book. It seemed a little too coincidental so we bought the book (with a 30% off coupon mind you!) and I have started reading it. No big revelations yet but I am only 10 pages in! Hopefully he will be able to provide some insight and ideas to help us out! That being said, I really should be using this time to read, not blog! Night all ;~)

Motherhood ain't for sissies

So I am currently listening to Chase scream and cry his head off. It's as awesome as it sounds.

He has taken to only sleeping for 25-30 minutes during the day for each nap and waking up at the 1 o'clock and 5 o'clock hour at night. With all this non-sleeping comes a very angry clingy baby during his awake times and a very overtired frustrated mommy all the time. I was literally seeing double and lightheaded I was so tired yesterday. I am just at my wits end on how to make him sleep. We have tried everything under the sun (except for switching to formula, more on that later) to relieve what we think is gas waking him up. We are starting to think that maybe the gas isn't the problem and that now he is just old enough to manipulate us. I write this with some fear that people will look at me with scorn and say I should have been sleep training him from the beginning... this is all my fault. I deserve a crying manipulative non-sleeping baby. I don't know if anyone actually feels that way but that is what I think people will be whispering behind my back (I know, paranoid much?)

I truly hate the cry it out method. I think it makes Chase feel abandoned and alone. I hate that he cries so hard he gulps down air and then chokes on it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. Are my true feelings coming across here? All that to say that I am now trying it. I am tired (physically and emotionally) of doing the same thing day after day expecting a different result. I have exhausted all the remedies for gas and discomfort that I can possibly think of... or that google can think of. The only thing I have not tried is taking him off breastmilk and putting him on formula. The reason I contemplate this is because maybe there is something that I am eating that causes him discomfort. Also, I think the formula may be heavier than breastmilk, therefore making him more full and sleepy. I don't know how much I believe either of those are the real culprit which is probably why I haven't made the switch. Also, it's an all or nothing shot. We have to give formula at least a week before we would see results and by then I wouldn't be able to switch back to nursing even if I wanted to.

Can you see the insanity? Can you feel my frustration? All I want is a child that sleeps and I definitely do not have that.

Oh and to those people that claim "I let my child fall asleep crying and they slept so good... 2 hours!" I say a hearty BS. He cried it out (for 45 minutes) and finally fell asleep with me rubbing his tummy (because being on his own was only making him angrier and angrier) and proceeded to wake up 25 minutes later. Crying and screaming just as hard as before. So here I am. Hungry, tired, unshowered, overwhelmed and in tears myself. I just want my mom.

Happy Day after the fourth

Aka, the 5th.

I hope everyone had a fantastic relaxing fun day! We sure did. We decided to make the trip to Cambridge MD where Adam's uncle Jimmy had his boat docked. It only took about an hour and 15 and there was virtually no traffic! We had lunch, played in the pool, hung out on the boat, watched an amazing thunderstorm and had a delicious dinner! It was really a great family fun day. Amazingly Chase did really well... he had very minimal naps and was thrown completely off his normal cycle but he adjusted really well. Even lasting until 11 which was when we finished dinner! Seriously, the kid is awesome.


As my MIL pointed out... we never pass up an opportunity for a picture!

He is such a water baby... I can't wait to get him in swim classes!

Such a happy baby!

Enjoying the pool... Aunt Vicky, Uncle Jimmy, Sandy (MIL) and hubby!

I just LOVE this picture... makes me smile every time I see it.

Chase with his Grandma

Chase at the helm... although facing the wrong direction!

You know the proverbial baby's first lemon or baby's first pickle video that parents always take... yeah well we tried to take that video this weekend... enjoy.








Yep, my kid is such a good eater that he didn't even notice the sour taste.... just knows it's food and wants more.

Packing and $8

We have started the process of packing. Since the majority of our possessions are going into storage, we are getting those packed now. The hope being when we are close to the actual date, we only have a minimal amount left to box up!

Before anyone calls CPS... Adam is hiding behind that stack and holding onto Chase and his box!

We were graciously invited to the Bunns house for dinner last night (very yummy guys!). They are moving this month so they also are in the throws of packing, which means boxes everywhere!

Fortunately they made a great 'pen' for Chase while we ate dinner. Oh and yes... those are liquor boxes that are penning him in. Seriously, please don't call CPS.

We took the idea and ran with it... enter our new playpen! It actually works and keeps him happy! As you can see, he is pulling himself up to standing (joyous and terrifying for mommy and daddy) so it won't be long before he learns to throw that leg over and escape!

In other news:

I bought this pool from Kmart about a month ago and it is the best 8 bucks I have spent in a long time! It's been a great tool to tire Chase out and it's awesome for when we have company.

Here is Scooter with his new board shorts and sunglasses! This was his first time in a pool!

Chase LOVES the pool... he gets very excited when I am getting it ready.

Anna Stuart came over to try out the pool for the first time and despite the frigid water, she loved it! Now that is one hot chickie!

Oh what a week

Chase has decided that sleeping during the day is not essential... mommy disagrees. For anyone that has been around a baby, you know they usually win. Enter our week. I haven't figured out why exactly he won't sleep... gas, sleeping with one arm out of the swaddler, sheer will to not miss anything... I am still guessing. I am leaning towards very bad gas but I am running out of remedies. I have 2 more tricks to employ... wish me luck.

About the space bags... I have mixed feelings about them. Yes, they do compress the clothing and I would imagine that in the long run, there is some space saving happening. However, I bought 2 'medium' size (rather small if you ask me ;~) bags for $10 and I barely made a dent in Chase's newborn clothing. So by my calculations... yeah, this could cost A LOT. On the scale of should I invest... it tips to no. The space saving is not enough to off set the cost of the bags. I happen to have some plastic storage bins that will do just fine to keep our clothes and blankets safe from harm.

So Adam found this fantastic program online where you can put in the dimensions of your home, pick the furniture you have and start rearranging... without all the dragging around of the real stuff. We have been using it to decide what furniture we are going to keep in the cottage and what is going to the basement. While doing that, we figured out that we are going from 1200 sq. ft. to 400 sq. ft... now that is some extreme downsizing. On a positive note, this will definitely teach us how to live with less! We are making plans to start packing and purging this weekend!

Why am I doing this? So I can stay home for moments like this...

Once the landlord knows...

it's official.

We will be moving on Aug 23 and vacating the apartment by Sept 1. Our landlord came over to fix something and we went ahead and let him know.  He has been so great to us over the past 2.5 years... we wanted to give him a decent heads up.  Plus we just know there is no way we can stay here.  We sat down and really looked at our budget and while we do have choices, the best one is absolutely to move to Hagerstown.  

To be precise... moving in with Adam's parents in Hagerstown.  Yep... you heard correctly... moving back in with the parents.  I have now done this twice (and I wasn't sorry the first time!) It is quite strange to be teetering on the edge of 30 and moving in with my husbands parents but we have thought long and hard about this and it really is the best move for us.  We will be living in the cottage hideaway which has 1 bedroom, living room and a small kitchen.  Please don't ask, I am not sure where everything will go... (mostly in their basement! HA!) but I am sure that Adam and I can make it work ;~) 

We are doing this for a few big reasons... 1. so I can remain a stay at home mom.  As well as being my career choice, I believe whole-heartedly in what I do and it is what is best for our family.  2. financial reasons... more than just not having the second income, Adam and I are hell bent dedicated to paying off one of his 2 student loans before we buy a house.  It is half the $$ of the other loan but the payments are twice as much because of the percentage.  It would free us up so much in the future to knock it out now.  We are BIG believers in the Dave Ramsey way of life and are trying to live by his motto "Live like no one else today so you can live like no one else tomorrow." 3.  family... I am very excited about the prospect of Chase really getting to know his Grandma and Grandpa and I know they are extremely excited to have him right next door!  

I have already begun the process of purging again.  Everywhere I look, I think "do we really need that?"  Most of it is a yes since we have done this a multitude of times but I still find stuff here and there to give away.  Just recently I ransacked my wardrobe and sent half of it out the door!  Oh, and I made the leap to try these and I am now a believer.  I will be re-evaluating how I pack up blankets, Chase's clothes and our off season clothes!  (Christine, have you tried yours yet???)

For those of you in the area (and if any of you others would like to fly in) I think we will be doing a little "We're outta here" shindig at our house in the near future!!

My husband is famous!

So about 3 weeks ago Verizon sold over 12,000 unpublished Hagerstown numbers to a phone book company which promptly published them. Since this happened in Hagerstown Adam was immediately aware and has been a part of the proceedings ever since. He has been tracking Verizon's movements (they were brought before the Public Service Commission and told to come up with something better than a $25 credit and the offer to change their number). He also set up his law firms site with a contact form for those affected. He was interviewed at the PSC which aired on the local stations in Hagerstown and he has also been interviewed by a couple different newspapers (including the Herald-Mail which most people in Hagerstown read!)

I don't mean to sound excited about Verizon selling these numbers because it isn't at all exciting. For some of the people affected, it is downright scary. I think of the police officers that have put people away, lawyers and judges that have prosecuted and sentenced criminals, women that have been hiding to avoid an abusive spouse. The list could go on forever. I am sad for everyone that feels exposed because of this. What I am happy about is the fact that my husband is part of the solution. He is directly connected to these people and really wants to see justice done for them. Also, this is why he became a lawyer in the first place... to fight for the 'little man'... those that might not have a voice otherwise.

If you are interested here are some of the articles and write ups about the situation.

Consumerist
Your4State
Adam's Blog
Herald Mail

Anyway, I just thought I would brag on my husband for a few!

Exponentially Harder

My job just got much much harder... Chase is now crawling! And with a purpose might I add. He sets his sights on something and there is no stopping him. He is particularly fond of the remote, mommy's cell phone and the coffee table. He has been hinting towards his for a few weeks now but he took his first actual movements forward on Sunday (Father's Day!)

I don't think it will be too long before he is pulling himself up on the furniture. He already has the look in his eyes... he just needs the leg power ;~)

I love each new thing he does.... each new object he discovers... each new milestone he reaches. This is what I was meant to do... tough times and all... I love my life.

Happy Father's Day

A special Happy First Father's Day to Adam!









We love you so much!

Also Happy Father's Day to Paul, Joe and Pete! We love you guys and hope that you had a wonderful day!

Mother's Day Present

Kim put pictures from our photo shoot on her blog! Check them out!

Ahhh, the haps

First and foremost... thank you so much for all the advice. I really appreciate your thoughts and words of encouragement. I think I will eventually reach out to them, at least via letter but probably not for sometime. Heck, crafting that letter will take long enough ;~) I will share if and when I write and send it!

On to the rest of the news in our world... We have decided to move to Hagerstown! There are many good reasons why but I will just touch on a few... the rent is ridiculously cheaper, we can actually buy a house (when we are ready), I can remain a stay at home mom easier and we have family there (re: free babysitting right MIL!) Those are just the key points... there are a million small good reasons too. I have been tied to this area for a long time but most of my ties are gone and the ones that remain can stretch to Hagerstown ;~)

Adam would continue to work for the same law firm and commute 3 days a week and work from home the other 2. Eventually he will start a Hagerstown branch of the firm. Even with the added gas mileage (and yes, we did calculate the erroneously high prices) we would be saving money. Which comes in handy since student loans are coming due again soon and we aren't entirely sure how we will cover them.

We are looking at an Oct 1 move date but it is definitely not set in stone. We are taking it slow and trying to really grasp the Lord's plan for us. We have been praying about it every night since we hatched this crazy plan. So far, we have not been let down!

Adam and I have toyed with the idea of selling my Jeep to buy a less expensive fuel efficient SUV... However, we never really gave it much serious thought. Enter my brilliant husband who last night got the idea that we sell his Honda Accord and buy a more fuel efficient (and 4 door!) Honda Civic. He started doing the math and it was amazing how much money we would save in gas mileage alone... all contributing more towards those pesky student loans! We are extremely excited at this prospect and will be listing our car tonight. We are now also seriously considering selling my Jeep for a F.E. SUV. Please pray as we start to make some weighty decisions!

Other random news... we have stepped down from hosting bible study on Thursdays. It got to be too difficult to host and deal with Chase. Honestly, I spent most of my time paying attention to Chase and not the study (shocking, I know) ... and Adam would be paying attention to me to be sure I didn't need any help. Chase is usually the only baby there so he really stands out and so does his talking... and the boy can seriously talk. As Danielle put it "Once Chase found his voice, he made it heard." Plus we try to have a bedtime pattern for him which falls right in the middle of the study and you can forget trying to have Chase sleep with 10 adults conversing on the other side of the wall... he hates to be left out! All that and the fact that we are moving soon led us to make this decision.

Lastly, we are heading to Hagerstown this weekend (think of the gas mileage we will save driving to Hagerstown all the time! Seriously, we go at least once a month, sometimes more!) It is Adam's first Father's Day and I am so excited to celebrate it. I hope that I can make it as special as he made Mother's Day for me! Speaking of which, we had our session with Kim Flores and got the proofs back! Now we just have to decide on our absolute favorites!

In closing I will leave you with a short video of a very happy water baby ;~)

Forgiveness vs. Olive Branch

I mentioned in an earlier post that I was thinking about reaching out to some family that I haven't spoken to in quite some time... over 6 years to be exact. There are a few things holding me back so I thought I would put pen to paper and see what I come up with... well at least fingers to keyboard.

Thought 1. Why do I feel the need to reach out to them? I think it stems from having Chase and not having a lot of family to offer him. Don't get me wrong... I have my dad and his girlfriend and I am so glad that God blessed me with them. I also have my moms cousin Winnie who I have come to have a relationship with ever since our NY trip. Other than that though, I am out. No one else. I am an only child. My mom had one sister and she has 3 daughters (the aforementioned family that I am currently not speaking to). Now my grandmother was 1 of 9 and my grandfather was 1 of 10 so I am sure I have a smattering of cousins, aunts, uncles and other bloodlines but none that are close enough to actually be the family I am looking for. Another reason for reaching out... I have fond memories of our families spending time together... we vacationed together, spent Christmas' together... you know, family stuff. Another reason... with my keen interweb skills I found out that one of my cousins had a daughter and C2 and C3 live together in Maine. Curiosity is a driving force because I am dying to know which cousin had the baby.

2. Why haven't I reached out to them yet? This is an easy one... if it were just a fight that my mom had with Auntie and C1 then I am sure this wouldn't even be an issue. I get it... sisters fight, families fight. However, Auntie and C1 crossed a line when C1 left this message on 4.22.02 "Message is for [my mom]. You are dead in my eyes and I never want to talk to you again. I want nothing to do with you. As far as I'm concerned, you're dead. You died today, goodbye." That message has kept me from reaching out to Auntie, C1, C2 and C3. Now let me clarify here... I do NOT harbor resentment or hate them in any way shape or form. Pattie O* once said "Hate doesn't know who it's directed at." and I believe that to be true. I do my best not to have hate and negativity in my world because it plays out in all other relationships. I forgave them along time ago for their words... Mainly because I feel sorry for them. I can't imagine what it is to have that kind of hatred and misery in your life. I feel for them because they don't know the warm embrace of Jesus. To me, that makes all the difference in the world. That being said, I hurt for the way those words affected my mom. Some of her only family wishing death on her, which she had cheated for 17 years at that point. I know how alone it made her feel and my heart aches because nothing can be said or done to take that away. To that end, I wonder why I would want to subject myself to the possibility of this hatred spewing at me, God forbid I do something they didn't like (perhaps write about it on a blog ;~). Why would I want to invite that into my life? It is the same reason I don't reach out to my birth father... why risk the rejection and hurt which has so clearly been demonstrated.

So my quandary.... when does forgiveness end? As a Christian should I keep going and extend the olive branch or have I met my obligation? Do I need to try to mend this relationship? I am struggling to think (or find) a specific verse that has to do with going to the person who wronged you... I have the idea of it in my mind but would love to find it in the bible so I could really think and study on it.

Ironically I check this blog frequently and she posted this the other day. Her post got me thinking again and spurred me to finish this entry.

I am really just trying to sort out my thoughts and feelings about this mess but I am open to advice and comments. I will always listen to what you have to say... However, don't be surprised if I do my own thing ;~)

*Pattie O is an AA speaker that I listen to time and time again. I can never hear her story often enough. Even if you aren't an alcoholic, the messages and stories are so moving, sometimes it can't help but change you.

The Townley's brought over a surprise for Chase yesterday... check out his new T-shirt!

Oh the horror

Chase just let out a cry so I went to go check on him. He has bad gas so this is a nightly occurrence. He isn't actually awake so much as just in pain because he needs to pass gas. So I put the paci in his mouth (sucking motion helps push the gas out) and I lifted his legs as if he were sitting. That definitely helped and he calmed down pretty quickly. I was just finishing putting his legs back down when underneath me went racing a centipede type thing with a zillion legs. They are common around here and if you think I don't like them during the day, try 1:15 in the darkness. I almost jumped into Chase's crib with him.

I actually thought long and hard about waking Adam to come help me but then I remembered he has actual work to do tomorrow. I mean court and filing things so I let him sleep. I did don a pair of his slippers and wielded one of his tennis shoes... to which I bravely hit the piece of clothing it had stopped to check out, thereby forcing it to run in the other direction. To which I smashed him to smitherines... Ugh, I get the willies thinking about it.

I am mother hear me roar! That is one bug who won't be spending time in my son's room anymore... well at least after tomorrow morning. I didn't actually pick up the deadness... there are somethings that can wait for a husband ;~)

Weekend Pictures

We spent time in the H-town this past weekend... here are a few pictures.

Chase rocking the shorty robe!

Swinging in Grandma's rope swing!

My boys!

What happens when mommy lays down for a nap. Poor Riley... the world was so much different before Chase came along ;~)

My little Maryland boy ;~)